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SUMMER MOON

Contributed by MALCOLM9 on Friday, 5th December 2003 @ 12:37:14 AM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

Blue tiles of light
Dancing in the night
You're nearly naked
Yearning in the Moonlight

I love you so true
That I wish time would stop
And sometimes I am so afraid to touch you
In that this dream will all just disappear

Copyright © MALCOLM9 ... [ 2003-12-05 00:37:14]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: SUMMER MOON (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Saturday, 3rd June 2006 @ 10:23:13 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

your first stanza stands out as the best because its completely original. your second stanza has the cliches, but i think with the tone and some good use of punctuation you can create the tone needed to make the ending powerful. your freestyle use of rhymes like this might sometimes make them forced, which is something you need to look out for.

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