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If
Contributed by
nEuRoPsYcHo
on
Thursday, 27th November 2003 @ 11:19:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
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What if you could predict tomorrow?
There won’t ever be so much sorrow
But will it still be enjoyable
When things could be predictable
What if you know everything?
Then you don’t need to learn anything
But will things ever be mysterious
When it’s just like going to Toys ‘R’ Us
What if you are the most beautiful?
The number of people drooling will be plentiful
But what is beauty without brains?
Then it would be better to go down the drains
What if you made the wrong decision?
Will you have to lose all your precision?
But if you’re willing to make correction
That will ever be your biggest mission
What if there isn’t any peace?
Everybody’s happiness has to be ceased
But if you’re willing to fight for it
There won’t be anything you can’t beat
If you could accept your failure
And in turn make it to give you pressure
You’re born to be the best
To stand up and fight the rest
Copyright reserved...
Your friendly neighbourhood psycho...
nEuRo.PsYcHo ¶=Þ
Copyright ©
nEuRoPsYcHo
... [
2003-11-27 23:19:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: If
(User Rating: 1 )
by tWiStEd on
Thursday, 27th November 2003 @ 11:24:46 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| life is to be taken one at a time.. it is like an unopened gift if we rush through it.. enjoy the moment, seize the day! no worries about tomorrow... :) this is a great write. i realized how important "NOW" is... :) |
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Re: If
(User Rating: 1 )
by Joy on
Thursday, 27th November 2003 @ 11:29:39 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I enjoyed this one...keep writing! |
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Re: If
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crimsonflame on
Thursday, 27th November 2003 @ 11:48:17 PM AEST
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I like this work,it gets me thinking a lot on life.and thanx for the answers as well:) Looking forward to your next one:)
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Re: If
(User Rating: 1 )
by irshprnss on
Thursday, 27th November 2003 @ 11:57:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Nice Write! Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Diana |
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Re: If
(User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on
Friday, 28th November 2003 @ 12:39:25 AM AEST
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a Message)
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well done.
The Wind.... |
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Re: If
(User Rating: 1 )
by recalcitrant on
Friday, 28th November 2003 @ 02:43:34 AM AEST
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| ok i think that you have such a good concept for this poem, but the way you word things... nothing seems to flow. a lot of your rhymes do not actually rhyme. it seems like after your first sentence what you write should be past tense but u write it in the present tense and that seems awkward. i think if u worked on this poem just a bit it will be a really good poem. peace out |
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Re: If
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Friday, 28th November 2003 @ 04:02:59 AM AEST
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| very impressive write..venkat |
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Re: If
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Friday, 28th November 2003 @ 09:11:27 AM AEST
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a Message)
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The "What if's" in life intrigue me and make for some great poetry. I really liked your poem.
Kie |
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Re: If
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on
Friday, 28th November 2003 @ 04:10:16 PM AEST
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Welcome to YPDC, Psycho... If this is any indication of what your other writes would be like...HURRY UP AND POST MORE!!!!
This was an awesome write..very intelligently written. Looking forward to more soon...
Jenni |
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Re: If
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on
Friday, 28th November 2003 @ 07:00:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Welcome to YPDC,
You'll never have to ask yourself if.....when you post here. Almost everyone is just terrif...
I really enjoyed your poem alot. I read it several times and this is what I got. Alot of talent, and alot of thought...I know when if can't be used. When my husband died, I refused to use it....only made me sad, and confused. I'm going to read your poem again.
I love the way you write....honestly, thoughtfully, and with much emphasis on "if" of course!
Looking forward to many more...and welcome again!
lovingcritters
ConSue |
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