|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Dress In Black
Contributed by
MoonlitAngel
on
Tuesday, 25th November 2003 @ 04:35:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Will anybody stay forever?
Could you take it all away from me?
The lights hurt my eyes
But you don't shine so bright
I like you best when you dress in black
And when the darkness closes in and saves me
I can finally breathe again and
If I close my eyes I disappear
If I cried a tear nobody saw
Did I actually cry it at all?
I'm a secret nobody knows but you
The whisper in your ear of a thousand heartbeats
Lost in sleep, I feel your breath on my face
And it's the sweetest dream
The real you always walked in the shadows
And when I'm gone, I find you there
Together we're alone
'Cause if I can't see your face
You're just the better part of me
I'm sorry I didn't stay the same
But everything is slowly fading
I just feel so misplaced
There's no familiar faces
And there is nothing at all but you
Because my heart is just too dead to feel
And my hands are too cold to heal
I'm trying desperately to find my way
It always ends with you
When home is where you are
That's when I can run away
'Cause I'll always come back to you
Live and die with you
I'd end it all tomorrow if it meant
Never having to live without you
Disappear into the black
That's the only place I'm safe
Because it's always where you are
I wear it to be
Invisible 'cause I can't stand being real
That's why I like you best when you dress in black
...Like you always did before
(Be my haven)
Copyright ©
MoonlitAngel
... [
2003-11-25 16:35:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Dress In Black
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cobalt on
Tuesday, 25th November 2003 @ 04:43:21 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| This was very good Moonlit. I completely enjoyed it. I can understand it at least from my point of view. |
|
|
Re: Dress In Black
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 25th November 2003 @ 06:04:12 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
From the length in this and the repettion in images of darkness and comfort in the subject "you", I can tell there is a lot of emotion and intensity in this. At times it's a little wordy. And to me, the focus seems to shift. But there are alot of great images like "I'm a secret nobody knows but you
The whisper in your ear of a thousand heartbeats" . And I also liked the last couple of lines in the second stanza. I think this poem has great potential if you wanted to rework it a bit. I enjoyed reading it. |
|
|
Re: Dress In Black
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaeann on
Tuesday, 25th November 2003 @ 06:39:57 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| ramblings in the dark......i like this one......that's the only place i'm safe.....yes!!! |
|
|
Re: Dress In Black
(User Rating: 1 )
by Daniela_Maria_Violin on
Tuesday, 25th November 2003 @ 11:01:32 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This is AWESOME!! Thanks for sharing...
Don't listen to anonymous it is great the
way it is. You could easily put this to song.
|
|
|
Re: Dress In Black
(User Rating: 1 )
by ArdRi79 on
Tuesday, 25th November 2003 @ 11:23:20 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
The stream of conciousness style of this poem gives it real power, anon is just too left hemisphere,
"If I close my eyes I disappear
If I cried a tear nobody saw
Did I actually cry it at all?"
That makes a very good point, there are a tonne of points in the poem , thats the best thing about the style of this one.
good poem I enjoyed readin it. |
|
|
Re: Dress In Black
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Wednesday, 26th November 2003 @ 01:34:15 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| dearest dee, this poem is so very special and these lines,"I'm trying desperately to find my way, It always ends with you" are wonderful, i feel the same about my sweetie:) hugs n' lotsa love, nessa |
|
|
Re: Dress In Black
(User Rating: 1 )
by afraid_of_fear on
Saturday, 13th March 2004 @ 03:19:40 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow this is astounding.. im glad there was no 'ryhme or reason', as it is perfect the way it is :)
charlotte x_x_x |
|
|
Re: Dress In Black
(User Rating: 1 )
by Monkeybones99 on
Friday, 2nd July 2004 @ 05:23:58 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Love the poem just like it is keep writing and I'll keep reading.....Thanks. |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
