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The Portrait
Contributed by
Vitreous_Soul
on
Tuesday, 25th November 2003 @ 03:00:03 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Hung in the dark gallery with care
Is a picture exquisitely rare
Eyes seem to follow with a haunting stare
The back of your mind says to beware
A true depiction of elegance
A lady of grace in every sense
Anonymous artist left in silence
The painting's mere presence makes you tense
You cannot even sleep with it near
Reaching deep down it pulls out your fear
You can't resist, you longingly obsess
You can't overcome her petrifying caress
All who have gazed upon it have died
Each one a victim of suicide
Love it or hate it you can't decide
One look will bring out all that you hide
Don't walk by in the dark or alone
Her hand reaches out, you're frozen like stone
Deep feral fear struck down through your bones
As you are dragged down into the dark zone
You cannot even sleep with it near
Reaching deep down it pulls out your fear
Taken to planes beneath the veneer
She feeds on the agony and the tears
Nose to nose and face to face
Into the dark and past her grace
Tension builds, your heart will race
Fright goes by at a frantic pace
Whatever it is that you hate
That's what you're gonna see
Hand comes to life, pulls you through the gate
Gonna live your misery
If water is what you hate
Then you're sure to drown
If you're afraid of spirits
Then off to a ghost town
If fire is what you fear
Then you'll surely burn
If you have disdain for life
Then at death you'll surely return
So don't walk by in the dark or alone
Her hand raches out, you're frozen like stone
Deep feral fear struck down through your bones
As you are dragged down to the dark zone
You cannot even sleep with in near
Reaching deep down it pulls out your fear
You can't resist, you longingly obsess
You can't overcome her petrifying caress
You cannot even sleep with it near
Reaching deep down if pulls out your fear
Taken to planes beneath the veneer
She feeds on the agony and the tears
Copyright ©
Vitreous_Soul
... [
2003-11-25 03:00:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Portrait
(User Rating: 1 )
by EternitysLyre on
Tuesday, 25th November 2003 @ 05:47:14 AM AEST
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It's a good poem. If it's from a few years back, I think you'd done a good job. In a few portions the beat of the poem frays due to variant stresses in syllables. Also, the conclusion comes off redundtant rather than prophetic. For a poem that could keep me glued to the screen for so long, it's a pity.
"Illusional winds and elliptical seasons; Ethereal sights for intangible reasons." ~ The Palatine Poet |
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Re: The Portrait
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on
Tuesday, 25th November 2003 @ 06:07:28 AM AEST
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| Thanks for the honesty, and if I had written it now, i'd probably end it differently. But I could never change an old poem, for better or worse. It was originally a song, so I should have classified it as lyrics. Oh, well, glad you enjoyed some of it, anyway. Thank you for the feed back. |
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Re: The Portrait
(User Rating: 1 )
by 13Hopes on
Tuesday, 25th November 2003 @ 06:32:11 AM AEST
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| I love it... |
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Re: The Portrait
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Tuesday, 25th November 2003 @ 01:17:29 PM AEST
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wow this poem is awesome... it does sound a little similar to mine lol almost like a first or second part to a poem it can definately relate a little bit
great write
peace and joy
JENNA |
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Re: The Portrait
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on
Tuesday, 25th November 2003 @ 03:55:53 PM AEST
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Dear VS.
I could really relate to this poem, and maybe this is what you meant, but I've know so many people like this drawing you lament! To be with them means certain suicide...and just to think about them makes your heart and soul divide!
Misery loves company they say.....and those are the kind of people I can't stand to be with or to stay!
I really like this poem VS....alot of truth spoken here...I suppose differently for each viewer!
ConSue |
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Re: The Portrait
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Monday, 19th January 2004 @ 02:14:26 PM AEST
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This one gave me goose bumps. Sort of eerily mysterious and entrancing. When I got to the last four lines in my mind I could see a child hopscotching to this rhyme in a seriously scary way, like an impending doom is coming. I loved this one v.s.
Kie |
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