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It Didn't Work!
Contributed by
Ewin
on
Monday, 24th November 2003 @ 10:45:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Numbness
dizzyness
darkness
finally i open my eyes
now all these bright lights
they blind me
people ask me strange questions
"of corse I know my name dumb***
what do you think i'm crazy?"
"can you tell me your name?"
"no *****! My name is..."
I search in my mind
it's lost in there somewhere
it takes me a while
to find my name
just my name
why is it so hard to find my name?
I finally find it
and tell the doctor
he looks at me with concern
I guess I took too long
and he then looks at a nurse
and says something
that is a forgin language to me
He then asks me where I live
I say "why, so you can
take me on a date?"
But then I see his sreious face
and I look for the answer...
and I do tell him the truth
but he is not satisfied
I said "I know where I live
but I"m not going back"
They stick a needle in my arm
and I scream
he trys to calm me down
telling me that it's ok
Then the lights are dimed
and some of the nurses leave
and another doctor comes in
and I am put into another room
Finally someone tells me what happened
they say...
"you've lost a lot of blood"
and I automaticallt look at my wrist
but they are bandaged
"and you had a seizue,
due to your overdose
you're lucky to be alive"
and I say "Yeah whatever"
Then tears
and more tears
and then the doctor says
"I called your family
they'll be here soon"
Then he leaves
and I feel fear
I am too ashamed to see my family
now that they know
I wish i would ie
just right now in this bed
so i don't have to answer
any questions
that i'll be forced to answer
I look at my arms
and I still can see
hints of blood
as I remove the bandages
I cringe at the pain
I look at my mangled wrists
and ask "Why? Why didn't you kill me?"
then i start crying again
and it's impossible to stop
My mother comes in
with a tear streaked face
she asks me a question
and I don't answer
I just look out the window
and say to shut the blinds
but I still stare out
out at nothing
I can see it again
the sharp razor
against my skin
the bottle of pills beside me
and I say "I did it right
why didn't it work?"
My mother says someting
but I don't awknowlage it
and I look down at my wrists
touch one
and for some reason it doesn't hurt
"It didn't work!"
I scream
crying it again and again
I don't move I just scream
and nurses come running in
and then I fall asleep
But that doesn't help
I just dream about it more
and I can hear the screaming
and I hate myself
It didn't work!
Why didn't it work?!
Copyright ©
Ewin
... [
2003-11-24 22:45:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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