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Geranium Sky
Contributed by
phildel
on
Thursday, 22nd August 2002 @ 06:46:04 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Stretched out across the sky was blood,
The sun was bleeding dry,
And as lifeless she sunk beneath the sea
Hopeless day would die.
The gems of green were thrown far out
And over deserted streets,
(Merely just a bottle broken
Served up all these emerald treats)
The rivers ran with voices,
They cried, shasoe shasoe,
And to the ear of the mad man
They kissed the winds that blow.
The roads and seas were ceaseless
Sprawling under the madmans eye
With a head of incompleteness
He touched the geranium sky.
Copyright ©
phildel
... [
2002-08-22 06:46:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Geranium Sky
(User Rating: 1 )
by MeaninglessSemantics on
Thursday, 22nd August 2002 @ 08:52:37 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
excellent poem!!! good work
Stacey |
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Re: Geranium Sky
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lia on
Thursday, 22nd August 2002 @ 09:02:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| This is really good..although..I feel like something is missing..can't quite put my finger on it. Even though..I still really liked it.. |
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Re: Geranium Sky
(User Rating: 1 )
by Phildel on
Friday, 23rd August 2002 @ 01:24:12 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Thanks Lia, I love contructive criticism, so if you happen to think of what may be missing, please message me reply to this thread and say! |
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Re: Geranium Sky
(User Rating: 1 )
by Phildel on
Friday, 23rd August 2002 @ 01:25:23 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| Thankyou, I enjoyed writing it!! |
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