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another day
Contributed by
Pompous
on
Thursday, 4th September 2003 @ 11:35:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
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another bitter cold day to face
another time to feel out of place
the day starts off with a beautiful sunrise
but the feeling of depression fills me eyes
alone in this world is how I feel
will I ever know what it's like to heal
there's nothing left for me but to write
all my feelings inside me airtight
there must be an answer to my prayers
but what's the use, no one cares
despair is all I have found
along with a life that feels has been drowned
another bitter cold day gone by
still waiting for that day I die
I feel wrong out there in the daylight
just waiting for that black of night
Copyright ©
Pompous
... [
2003-09-04 23:35:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: another day
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Thursday, 4th September 2003 @ 11:49:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I neglected to welcome you to YPDC in my previous comment on your first poem, so I shall do so here. Welcome. :>
Now then, you have a tendency to make tactical use of repetition as a reinforcing dance step in the ballet of your poem. Your overuse of the word "another" hammers in a sense of dullness and dreariness into the reader's mind, seemingly achieving the intent you were aiming for, considering your author's notes.
Lack of punctuation and capitalization add a touch of intended carelessness to the poem, causing the reader to believe you are writing from the center of your emotions, on account of the message conveyed.
Just about all of my poems are concerned with depression, so you might want to check them out, if you're so inclined. So as to relate that shameless plug to this poem, I can understand your position and take on life. Keep faith. |
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Re: another day
(User Rating: 1 )
by wyrd_faerie on
Friday, 5th September 2003 @ 02:37:36 PM AEST
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| beautiful...very sad... |
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Re: another day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on
Sunday, 7th September 2003 @ 12:19:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Beautifully written, but so very sad..
Jenni |
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Re: another day
(User Rating: 1 )
by STRaNGe_LiNDSeY on
Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 12:54:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This was another awesome write. So raw and uncensored... brutally honest and I like that. Granted it's a poem about depression and suicide... but I know the feelings all too well, and you basically just expressed them...perfectly.
Lindsey |
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