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Loneliness Sets In
Contributed by
Pompous
on
Thursday, 4th September 2003 @ 02:05:00 AM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Loneliness twisted, turned and twirled
end this life, ***** this world
the sky turns from blue to blood red
when will they know, when enough is said
days have come, days have gone
you wonder how the ***** you'll ever go on
the feelings inside hidden deep, no one knows
what its like to weep, and die like a wilted rose
the pain inside kept in my black heart
as my world continues to fall apart
the cries, you only hear in your head
wishing it would stop, wishing you were dead
feelings, that confuse you
knowing you'll never get through
what ray of hope is there for me
when no-one else can see what I see
the hands, the body, they tremble with pain
with nothing left to lose, nothing left to gain
the future now, its looking so bleak
as you breakdown, in feeling so weak
looking forward to that day of rest
when this life will no longer be depressed
you wake up hoping its not real
living in a world where no-one feels what you feel
Loneliness twisted, turned and twirled
end this life,***** this world
Copyright ©
Pompous
... [
2003-09-04 02:05:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Loneliness Sets In
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rage on
Thursday, 4th September 2003 @ 02:23:52 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow, like the anger and bitterness in this. But, truly, I hope that you don't feel like ending "anything" at the moment. Great poem though. Loved it!
Happier Dayz,
~*~RAGE~*~ |
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Re: Loneliness Sets In
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Thursday, 4th September 2003 @ 07:59:06 PM AEST
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wow i loved this so poetic and well written.
what its like to weep, and die like a wilted rose
the pain inside kept in my black heart
I loved those two lines. I hope you don't actually feel like that, but keep on writing.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Loneliness Sets In
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Thursday, 4th September 2003 @ 11:42:21 PM AEST
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Your use of casual repetition in the introductory stanza and end of the poem reiterate your feelings, which makes for a strengthening of your original message, and is a wonderful thing to encounter mindful use of.
Your cadence is varying, which, while some would say is not a good thing, seems to add credence to the concept that life has truly fallen apart. Lack of punctuation and varying line length and word count lend hand to the notion of anarchy you're conveying.
Good work. |
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Re: Loneliness Sets In
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on
Sunday, 7th September 2003 @ 12:15:46 AM AEST
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Your pain and bitterness is so evident in this poem. I hope this is an imaginary feeling.
Jenni |
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Re: Loneliness Sets In
(User Rating: 1 )
by AnGeL_M on
Wednesday, 17th March 2004 @ 04:47:37 AM AEST
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A~W~E~S~O~M~E~ Write
But I'll Have To Agree
With Rage And Jenni
I Hope This Is Just Imaginary Feeling.....
Great Work.....
,,,,,,,Love,,,,,,,AnGeL,,,,,,,, |
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Re: Loneliness Sets In
(User Rating: 1 )
by STRaNGe_LiNDSeY on
Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 12:51:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
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That was really deep! And completely raw...I could feel exactly how you felt... beautiful.
Lindsey |
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