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club meds #4
Contributed by
painted_echos
on
Tuesday, 2nd September 2003 @ 12:45:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
we’d chat in the evenings just
before going to sleep, about all kinds of things.
how we’re all connected
the lack of caffeine, joy of a cigarette, our
spirit and dreams.
you saw tears in my eyes
asked me if i wanted to talk, i said no, so
you let me cry, thank you.
i did the same for you, good to cry sometimes, till you
can’t anymore.
you said you took xanex so long it turned toxic
now you will have to try something else
to stop the panic, and
pounding heart, the shaking and the, so hard to breath, fear
always the fear.
and you’re leaving husband two
of not yet a year, temper tantrums, bouts of anger
and his need to control.
got him demoted at work, but he mentioned this after
you married him.
and you took lots of xanex
so you wouldn’t feel your heart beating fast and wild.
take more, you wouldn’t shake
you’d be able to breath, the fear of his temper
numbed out by pills.
and we’d talk in the evening
before going to sleep, about all kinds of things.
how we’re all connected
the lack of caffeine, joy of a cigarette, our
spirit and dreams.
and the night before leaving
before closing your eyes, you spoke my name softly, said
you wanted to tell me
of something you’d not really talked of before, that of
you’re other life.
you’d married young, had a son
the year before i had mine, and two years later
another son was born.
one more son the next year, and that was it for you
three boys are good.
a year or so passed, and on
an everyday morning, your husband went off to work
you and the boys were asleep
but your cat woke you up, something terribly wrong, god
smoke in your room.
you tore out of bed, and ran
down the hall for the boys, but the smoke was too thick
black smoke, you could not breath
so ran for more air, but collapsed on the ground, and your
three boys were dead.
oh my god, i am sorry
you have suffered such horrid, heartrending loss, all
of your babies gone, the
sorrow never leaves you, it’s part of your soul, but your
husband denied
you were not allowed to mourn,
not allowed to speak their name or show their picture,
you weren’t allowed to cry.
he could not face the pain, so you lived in silence, your
anguish held in.
and you could not save them, oh
god, you tried but collapsed as the smoke found your boys, and
silently took their lives.
no tears he shared, no comfort, but he took control of
your tortured soul.
and you died, but your life went on.
bore four more children, who never knew of their brothers.
it’s good that you have them.
still, they can’t make up for the loss of your sons, or the
sadness you bear.
so you took lots of xanex
then you wouldn’t feel your heart beating fast and wild.
take more, you wouldn’t shake
you’d be able to breath, your tormented soul would be
numbed out with pills.
now you’re off of the drug, and
able to cry again, but panic returns to you
breath slowly, keep control.
but you’re heart races, you can’t move, you’re trapped from within, and
you cannot breathe.
you must let yourself mourn now
not to forget, but you have to let go of the pain.
open your heart to grieve
for the loss of your children, your other life, your
three baby boys.
and you hugged your legs close to you.
and you rocked.
and you cried.
Copyright ©
painted_echos
... [
2003-09-02 12:45:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: club meds #4
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crow on
Tuesday, 2nd September 2003 @ 05:22:16 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| this is very emotional piece, saddening my heart. i would say more of the mate, but I should not. Crow |
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Re: club meds #4
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Tuesday, 2nd September 2003 @ 05:36:19 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I'm glad I read this ... makes me realise how insignificant my own problems are ... a heartbreaking story ... well written ... Jan |
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