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Self-Pity to Self-Hatred
Contributed by
bobotheclown
on
Wednesday, 30th July 2003 @ 02:35:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
war
|
Breaths come in shallow gasps
If I close my eyes,
I envision myself falling
I'm crumbling like an old building
I'm useless like a plastic water gun
Bought at a buck or two store
Trying to lift my head
My eyes are cloudy, losing control
Tasting terror, feeling fear, married to malice
Stumbled across this path
To many times to count
Everything's a mess
Eyes wide, mouth wide open
Trying to gulp down air
Like a fish outta water
Willing the pain to stay
Yet wanting it to go away
Slipping in and out of consciousness
The burns on my arm are throbbing
Self-pity starts to take over
And self-hatred replaces that
Pain takes me to a new dimension
I want to hold the rose,
But I'm impaled on the thorn
Copyright ©
bobotheclown
... [
2003-07-30 14:35:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Self-Pity to Self-Hatred
(User Rating: 1 )
by hardcoreputa on
Thursday, 31st July 2003 @ 02:20:37 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| lots of imegry... i liked it... keep it up~Apryl |
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Re: Self-Pity to Self-Hatred
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jason_Robert_Britt on
Friday, 1st August 2003 @ 03:51:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is really really really really really really really really good. Your discriptive write and use of comparisons are great...
"If I close my eyes,
I envision myself falling
I'm crumbling like an old building
I'm useless like a plastic water gun
Bought at a buck or two store"
.....brilliantly said, and....
"I want to hold the rose,
But I'm impaled on the thorn"
You are definately one of my favorite writters on this site... I know people will enjoy your work for generations to come(if we all live long enough to make new generations.)
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Re: Self-Pity to Self-Hatred
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 29th August 2003 @ 08:14:53 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Awesome poem.The war within ourselves is always the brutalists battles to fight,and always makes for the most beautiful of poems. |
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