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I Freefall Me
Contributed by
dafremen
on
Sunday, 13th July 2003 @ 09:05:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
fantasy
|
I Freefall Me
R. Dafremen
I took a ride inside to hide
perhaps unwind inside My mind
instead I find a precipice
and jumping see in front of Me
the darkest deepest widest hole
I plunge on through and soon the view expands
to open sky, antifreeze green
all around and in between
as I take in the scene
or the scene takes in Me
who KNOWS which it should be
I don't ask, so in awe
of the city I saw
from my vantage point high
in that hole in the sky
I fly out as if being reborn
Falling
floating
dropping
dreaming
beautiful, beauteous wonderful place
seems almost like coming home
where myriad nightmares feed alone
on aspirations thoughts and dreams
where hopelessness bursts at the seams
now tears stream down My soul
NOOOOOOOO!
I flail my arms to stop my fall
but pick up speed instead
My limbs float lifeless, dead
as I freefall inside My head
Spires of fears now jutting out
so sharp and clear
while drawing near
I fear, I fear this place
TAKE Me from this place!
SAVE Me from this place!
but NO, the journey must go on
Still on that ride inside My mind
I take a breath
My screams subside
but echo off the loneliness
that forms the valley down below
a place I've grown to know and love
that shelters Me
that harbors Me
from fear of plunging on
How many times did I play in that place?
in its empty embrace?
at a Self defined pace
seems that loneliness was My best friend
guess We all die alone at the end
they'll be lonely, I'm with an old friend
guess the last laugh is Mine in the end
I clear my head of
bitter thoughts and stare in dread
at fast approaching ground instead
all the other things shown to me
all so well known to me
Nightmares and Loneliness
Hopelessness, Dread
all so familiar
all here in My head
but this ground seems a stranger
as if unknown danger
lies waiting for Me at the end
Unfamiliar but, wait
"No not THAT!" it's too late
for the end of the journey has come
though the fall through My mind wasn't long
I slam into reality
Done.
Copyright ©
dafremen
... [
2003-07-13 21:05:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Freefall Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ilhar on
Sunday, 13th July 2003 @ 09:44:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
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wow great write
Shari |
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Re: I Freefall Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by LovingWhispers on
Sunday, 13th July 2003 @ 10:36:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very Clever write.I love the ending.'Cause really..thats how life is...slamming into reality. |
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Re: I Freefall Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampy on
Sunday, 13th July 2003 @ 11:39:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This is wonderful! I love the style you wrote it in... |
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Re: I Freefall Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by pacific on
Monday, 14th July 2003 @ 01:43:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Nice poem, and your use of words is good, I"ll have to check your other listings as to wether you have ever tried writing "free verse" I think it would suit your style of writing, rather than trying to rhyme? Just a thought.
Nicely written just the same. |
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Re: I Freefall Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crow on
Monday, 14th July 2003 @ 10:48:15 PM AEST
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| very good write, vivid and detailed. Crow |
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Re: I Freefall Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by me on
Thursday, 17th July 2003 @ 08:59:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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this poem is wonderful... ufortunately our hiding places never shelter us from reality, because in the end it always intrudes... i really enjoyed the way you write... very vivid, colourful, animated. and i like that you sneak in some rhyming here and there.
myrts |
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Re: I Freefall Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by vincy on
Saturday, 26th July 2003 @ 11:02:20 AM AEST
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a Message)
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In my words it goes
"falling is almost flying
when there is no ground
to fall upon."
Here, eventually you hit the ground,
that which you call reality, the end.
The meaning, the wording, the path is right
but something is lacking here, the flow...the tempo.
Should work this poem so that it slides like a stone
jumping across the water till it comes to a halt and sinks. |
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Re: I Freefall Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by dafremen on
Saturday, 26th July 2003 @ 05:56:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I will work on it. Does it need to skip and sink? Can it plummet and stop? |
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