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I go to far
Contributed by
Alisialynn
on
Sunday, 6th July 2003 @ 11:05:00 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Too bad that I almost always alienate everyone that I meet. May have had some good friends and confidants had I not spoken.
Should have been born a deaf girl and then maybe things would have worked out better for me. I say, "Wow, what a fat lady," And that is not necessarily the worst thing you can say, considering I am talking of the enormous clientele who is very abrasive and also a tad rude and also to large to ride this ride. The comment was wrong on a deeper level because I spoke it to a coworker who is also large, much larger than the client, abrasive and a tad rude.
I realize too late having already spoken the comment and the girl is frowning not knowing what to say and not being her usual rude, fat, abrasive self. A personality that I liked on her, she was comical and I do believe we got along up until that moment.
Now, I may be wrong because not only am I amoral and stupid, I am also paranoid but, I swear she talks about me to our other fellow ride attendants and they are all part of an alliance of sorts that hates me because I am rude and stupid, not necessary in that order.
A thing that bothers me more however is that after seeing how I might have wounded this girl (Not knowing if she was wounded for sure, she hides her feelings well) I continued on with my verbal demise, ensuring that she hate my guts once it was over.
Moving from a small and possibly dismissive comment like "Wow, what a fat lady..." I began to go onto a short spew about how people that fat shouldn't be allowed on the rides and even so that people that fat shouldn't be allowed outside their homes forcing thinner people (And I really said this) Like myself, to have to look at them.
In no way are these views mine at all. My mouth was moving and I was too Aware of her. Words just kept flowing out, all the while the girl now seeming less and less the comedy I had known before that day and more and more a sad case.
She didn't say anything, she kept on with her job but, I know she will mention it to the forming group of Anti-ALH'ers and they will plan ways to get me fired. Shouldn't be too hard since I am certain most of management is already fed up with me after only two weeks.
My feelings are terrible. I feel terrible and what is worse is I don't care about my chubby coworker, her feelings are alien to me even though she was a terrific personality. I am only feeling terrible and sorry for myself.
The worst human being to ever live?
Oh Christ! Now I feel worse for myself...
Note to Self~ Stop asking rhetorical questions that are only going to make you spiral deeper into self-loathing/pity (It's a toss up)
and make you more of a shallow uncaring *****.
Copyright ©
Alisialynn
... [
2003-07-06 11:05:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I go to far
(User Rating: 1 )
by norm on
Sunday, 6th July 2003 @ 11:17:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
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a self-critique is always in vogue
-----------------------------
You might just study personality
including a touch of plain banality
Until you get yourself to realign
and then you'll be just pinky fine... |
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Re: I go to far
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ilhar on
Sunday, 6th July 2003 @ 01:16:02 PM AEST
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First try liking yourself...then you may learn to like others...true beauty comes from within...and I am sure deep down you are quite beautiful
Shari |
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Re: I go to far
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crow on
Sunday, 6th July 2003 @ 01:45:49 PM AEST
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| pick yourself up first, things aren`t ok if you are not.. have a great day. Crow |
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Re: I go to far
(User Rating: 1 )
by LOSTinU on
Tuesday, 13th July 2004 @ 02:09:03 AM AEST
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| This is actually kinda funny... but serioulsy you should stay amoral and you should say what you feel like. Who cares if you only feeling bad for yourself. Your all you have in this world. And if you feel bad about hurting the fat ladie's feelings you shouldnt. Cause she needs to learn not to care what other people think and needs to learn that looks dont matter. ...You probobly completly disagree with my point of view.(most people tend to do so) |
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