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Just Words On Paper
Contributed by
Alisialynn
on
Sunday, 6th July 2003 @ 10:35:00 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
For just one day I want to know what it feels like. Success. I have never known you. Introduce yourself to me. God grant me a wish. I want a new life.
I swear I am going to kill myself
If I can work up the energy to get off the couch
I will do it
Someone please rescue me and deliver me to happiness
Happiness, I don't know you either.
Please somebody love me and take me where there is unending happiness and joy whom I don't know either
Success, Suicide, Happiness and Joy. Suicide.
Suicide.
I don't know you. Because I don't know myself
Nobody ever said go for it. No nudges in the correct direction.
My life is *****. And I have no one talk to about it. Who am I if no one understands me? Who am I if such is my life?
Who am I if not an unsuccessful person, with no future here? Do you know me, You think you do? You don't. My mind is intricate in ways I cannot fully understand. This world is unbearable. No potential here, just a lazy corrupt girl.
And whether or not you want to believe it this is what I am
A girl
A mere child
Not a success
To Lazy for Suicide
Unhappy and Joyless
Even in my child, who talks exceptionally and whom is innocent
I cannot raise her
I cannot take care of her
I cannot take care of myself
She is crying now and I pretend not to hear
I can't do this any longer.
Can I run away? If I just left, what would the harm be? I need freedom. I want to know what it feels like to be somebody else. I want to be nineteen. I want to have buckets of friends and money and pending success. I want to live. I want to live in the real world.
I want to feel saltwater on my skin and piping hot sand
I want to dance with a glass of chardonnay
I want to kiss a class act
I want to be surrounded by sunshine and when that sun goes down
I want to be there watching it disappear along the horizon.
I want to be a look out and when I look out
I want to see nothing but, ocean and when I turn around
I want to see an island, a peaceful paradise and
I want to live there in complete freedom.
I am slave to my dreams and I cannot take it much longer
No, I cannot diagnose myself, I know I am neurotic sometimes but, mostly I am a dreamer
It is sad for a dreamer to be an underachiever. To be a nobody who cannot stop her mind from wishing she was
Somebody.
A no body who says and does Evil things, A no body who still curses God and the World because I swear they owe me something.
Things could have been different, right from the start. I can only blame the world because my heart feels heavy blaming anyone else. Including myself..
Worse is when I blame she that I brought into the world. I look at her and my heart swells with love but, I still wish that my life had taken a different path.
She is destined to repeat my mistakes and I can't....No I won't do anything about it
I am a defeated, sad person. And I suck at life.
Please someone save me to save her and our future generations. I am begging now for a miracle. Change me over. I want God but, I don't reach out to him for fear he doesn't exist or he will tell me what I already know.
There is no help for me except what I do for myself and I haven't any skills.
So what do I do now? Do you really want to know? It is disgusting and so true of my nature. I roll over and except defeat. It is suicide or a lifetime of wishing I was dead. Either way is the same and I am in no rush to jump.
Copyright ©
Alisialynn
... [
2003-07-06 10:35:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Just Words On Paper
(User Rating: 1 )
by norm on
Sunday, 6th July 2003 @ 11:26:37 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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What a clever little ditty..every little bitty
----------------------------------
I love you, lynn, my cookie dear,
even tho married for many a year
I feel for my less-fortunate buddies, here
lets commiserate with a beer...
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Re: Just Words On Paper
(User Rating: 1 )
by Suzy on
Monday, 7th July 2003 @ 01:58:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is a wonderful write..so full of sadness and longing...things will change although I cannot tell you when but I've been in this place that you're in before...where you just feel like giving up but even doing that is hard...that feeling of just being a waste of good space and precious air...your daughter is a reason to live or at least she should be. We all have made mistakes and the ones that have made you you are nothing to feel bad about. Find someone to talk to..let them know just who you are. I hope that you find peace and happiness...keep searching for they are on the horizon....
Lasca |
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