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To the Horizon
Contributed by
xHeathenx
on
Friday, 18th September 2015 @ 08:04:05 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
"Disease was the most basic ground
Of my creative urge and stress;
Creating, I could convalesce,
Creating, I again grew sound."
-Heine
With every passing glance
Gaining equal footing on life's ground,
And every breath luring,
Tempting, outsmarting, even cheating death
With every fiber,
Softening with lethargy and disuse,
Poorly acted efforts,
If only were it so... Unobtuse
With closed eyes and prayer,
A mixture of expelled soul and wish
Words traveling from lips,
Young birds; Seeking new horizon's glimpse
Copyright ©
xHeathenx
... [
2015-09-18 20:04:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: To the Horizon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on
Saturday, 19th September 2015 @ 06:06:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I LOVE the quote by Heine. LOVE IT.
Your poem? Brilliant in content but flawed in delivery.
We converse- don't take it wrong. If I thought you a creature of ego, I would not honour you with a critical comment.
Rewrite and resubmit. This poem is worth it.
Invierno |
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Re: To the Horizon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 20th September 2015 @ 12:26:28 AM AEST
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xHeathenx,
you expanded well from the Heine quote
the will or wilted want
the final end or beginning anew
similarities that glimpse the soul
The title, "To the Horizon"
and the context of your poem
reminds me of a care givers reassurance
to the sick and dying / a restoration
and solace that is profound.
This really speaks to me. It's beautiful!
Peace!
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Re: To the Horizon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Sunday, 20th September 2015 @ 11:24:25 PM AEST
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I like the last stanza of your poem:
'With closed eyes and prayer,
A mixture of expelled soul and wish
Words traveling from lips,
Young birds; Seeking new horizon's glimpse'
I guess faith could be viewed worse
I still think you have some exploration to do in your lifetime |
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Re: To the Horizon
(User Rating: 1 )
by deusdeira on
Monday, 21st September 2015 @ 12:43:56 PM AEST
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| I like this poem. It is interesting and a bit ambiguous. Ive always liked it when lines can speak for themselves without the need for the poem to tie them together, and the passage you chose for inspiration clearly spoke to you in this way. However i do have to say, even after reading your poem, i'm not quite sure of your view on the passage that inspired you. Not for lack of penmanship, but as i said before because of multiple meanings. I would be interested in your thoughts on the stanza. For me it was an intended inspirational poem with a darker side to it, which i believe is the point, however, it almost seemed to have an ominous feeling to it. A curious poem. |
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