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Dreams More Alive Than Life
Contributed by
invierno
on
Friday, 7th August 2015 @ 10:13:20 AM in AEST
Topic:
surreal
|
Where is the tale today, lulled and pulled
from dreams more alive than life.
Would that daylight hours feel so real;
loss so tangible one can wrap it as a cloak-
happiness so intense,
a burbling brook of smiles and joy
made paler with dawns approach.
Where did I ere in this dimension,
to find street grime not as gritty,
eyes not as flowing, tears not as wet;
lemon seed poppy not so muffiny,
chocolate not my imaginings in fluffy cake;
how came dreams to me to be more of
life than open eyes
greeting what we call awake.
Copyright ©
invierno
... [
2015-08-07 10:13:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Dreams More Alive Than Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by iodinelove on
Saturday, 8th August 2015 @ 12:10:02 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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It's good. I do, however, have a few criticisms to bring to your attention. First, rather than ere (meaning before) you are looking for err. I imagine it's just a typo, but I thought I'd let you know. Second, and this is purely opinion, you should discard the lines 11 & 12. They rupture the mood of the poem and do not fit the overall piece.
In any case, keep writing. |
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Re: Dreams More Alive Than Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Saturday, 8th August 2015 @ 05:38:41 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| This is very good, reminds me of the movie "The Matrix". The inhabitants know they are dreaming but those freed enjoy life in Zion. Thank you for reminding me that it is important to enjoy life. |
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Re: Dreams More Alive Than Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by JamesStockdale on
Sunday, 9th August 2015 @ 06:17:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I really enjoyed this
I'm a fan!
You have a way with words indeed! |
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Re: Dreams More Alive Than Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by irisblue on
Saturday, 22nd August 2015 @ 02:18:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Mike,
I love everything about this poem. it's dreamlike and beautiful.
irisblue |
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Re: Dreams More Alive Than Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Sunday, 30th August 2015 @ 11:57:33 AM AEST
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a Message)
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beautifully penned, not to be redundant but the whole
thing is just dreamy :)
hugs n' love nessa |
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