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Lord of my life
Contributed by
boomking
on
Sunday, 10th May 2015 @ 06:20:05 AM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
|
Lord of my life,
I need you.
Lord of my life,
I want you.
Right by my side,
whether day or night.
But now I know,
I've gotta show.
You're my friend,
not my savior.
You stand by my side,
You never hide.
But You leave it to me,
to make it happen.
You don't take over,
Cuz then I never learn.
So carry on, carry on,
untill we've won.
High five, high five,
what a life!
You're just my friend,
right beside me.
There's no hiding for You,
no need to adore You.
Just make You proud,
say it loud:
You're the best of friends,
there's non like You.
You only see the best,
of me and my kind.
Mankind, mankind,
no one left behind.
What a friend You are,
to every one, and everything.
Living under the sun,
we'll be crowned by You.
You don't want subservient,
followers who bow down.
But like us to be more,
self-aware and kind.
Just remember You,
who spent time with us.
Whether day or night,
reminding us of what you liked!
Copyright ©
boomking
... [
2015-05-10 06:20:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lord of my life
(User Rating: 1 )
by SuicidalSon on
Sunday, 10th May 2015 @ 06:50:06 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
The lord of your life just might not be true
Unless the lord of your life is the same one as you. |
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Re: Lord of my life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on
Sunday, 10th May 2015 @ 08:05:31 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Very cool poem here. I was going to pass over the read due to the title, but then the F.M. got me piqued.
Then the poem....the first thing to become apparent was a masterful flow scheme, very nice....like a horse on a lazy canter in a dawn field.......with super fine sound detection....birds waking up....hoofs in a steady beat of power...all mixed just so.
Content- a few I stopped and reread.
"no need to adore You." One can be grateful to, and love even, but the scripted falsetto of organized faith is exactly what kept me from God for 4.9 out 5.2 decades. Great point!
"You don't want subservient,
followers who bow down.
But like us to be more,
self-aware and kind." A reaffirmation of above.
I give you high marks here, You Who Love Christ. Lest I sound gushy, I would note a final edit never hurts, my friend.
"Cuz then I never..." Really? 'Cuz'? Don't be lazy...if 'because' doesn't fit for flow or syntax, then look at the entire stanza, rework the arrangement and find a word in flippin English that makes it work....you feel me, Cuz?
"there's non like You." I know you meant 'none', but 'non' means 'No' in Latin....surely you didn't mean that, no? I know you didn't. Really. Yes? Noh?
I'm playing now....I like this and you did a damn good job.
Invierno
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Re: Lord of my life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lionel on
Monday, 11th May 2015 @ 09:20:32 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| Well, my Lord is somewhat differant than your's, but your poem was very interesting. |
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