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Doppelgänger
Contributed by
hauntedscorp
on
Friday, 10th October 2014 @ 02:12:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
ambiguous
|
An illness exclusively secluded
Characteristic of guts protruded
Like an intravenous line; occluded
Salty-corpse-in-East-River-polluted
Haunted like Alcatraz; at once stranded
Marked by a terror; forever branded
Chiseled bones, meticulously sanded
A master plan that's spoken in candid
Ev'ry happiness somewhat diluted
Sinking from the energy exuded
The truth in lies cannot be disputed
Devisory plan to be excluded
All flash for greed, like a one-armed bandit
Sunken Titanics that never landed
A crook with note and money demanded
Resembling something that's under handed.
Copyright ©
hauntedscorp
... [
2014-10-10 14:12:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Doppelgänger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 11th October 2014 @ 12:04:47 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Random thought... this was an answer of yours in the rhyming word association? lol
Gut
Protruding
So, anyway, on with my poem comment.
This line: The truth in lies cannot be disputed I'm stealing it. Freaking love it!
What would you do if you met your Doppelganger? I think I'd freak. Once again, this reminded me of someone talking to themselves literally...but it's their Doppelganger. Or someone with a split personality...which, in a way, we all have because we have that mask we where for being out in public.
Keep em comin'. I'm enjoying this!
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Re: Doppelgänger
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 11th October 2014 @ 12:33:40 PM AEST
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excellent imagery, beautifully crafted with twists and implications...
hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: Doppelgänger
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadreckoning1983 on
Sunday, 12th October 2014 @ 02:26:55 AM AEST
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| I generally do not like lymric style poetry. that is poetry that ends with the same kind of rhyming words towards the ends of each stanza, but you do a very good job with meter and word choices. I think mainly word choices play the bigger part. you do not pander to the audience with cheesy rhyming sentences for the sake of rhyming. This poem reminded me of the flashy bravado seen from the V for Vendetta when we first meet V |
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Re: Doppelgänger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 12th October 2014 @ 02:55:21 AM AEST
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hey scorp,
I understand the title but the poem
is like a simile of real bacterial malady some
poor fellow has had
and less like a bad omen
It's very descriptive, with imagery almost too vivid
if you know what I mean
Well written however, very well done!
Peace! |
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