|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Surrender or Success
Contributed by
arice88
on
Thursday, 5th June 2014 @ 12:02:05 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
They were together, they were brilliant
In her own words they "were doing it in living color"
He sat on their old leather couch that was given to them
But she had gone, so had his joy and placement in the world, that color had grown dim.
3 years had passed and so much had changed
That couch moved place to place and starting to show signs of wear
When it was new it it was brilliant red leather, now it'd faded to To a maroon ' ish brown
From home to home the the couch was dingy broken in and worn
The man the same way, so broke he didn't think he could be any more torn
You wouldn't think him pathetic, relatively smooth with the ladies
He came off confident adjusted he knew who he was
It shows that he'd been hurt a few times and had no intentions of it happening again
He'll fight his feelings on a daily basis keeping them all locked up
And the girl well she moved on had the family he wanted got her ring finger all rocked up
So he's sitting on their couch, used to be the cornerstone if their home
Looking back at everything he'd had and lost in the last few years
You would think he felt Down sorting through so much darkness
But like the flick of a switch he sees the color hadn't faded it was vibrant and had been the whole time
Cause that darkness that he's living in, to him is just like sunshine.
Copyright ©
arice88
... [
2014-06-05 00:02:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Surrender or Success
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Thursday, 5th June 2014 @ 12:42:53 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
first of all warm welcome to ypdc:) this is beautiful! you
have penned a lovely romantic story poem that is a
delight to read, you show true talent, great potential,
keep writing!
hugs n' love nessa
*remember to choose a 'topic'
|
|
|
Re: Surrender or Success
(User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on
Thursday, 5th June 2014 @ 05:52:14 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Definite promise in your writing. (I would not say so if not so....you asked for feedback...good or bad).
Lots of great turns of phrase here, and the overall premise of the couch, and the tie in to him is quite good.
The last two lines kinda threw me though. especially the last line. Forgive, but they appear nonsensical to me. You built up this character that is so rigid...then the very real faded couch suddenly isn’t? Darkness is like sunshine to him? Maybe I don't understand it fully.
Either way it is of no matter....the poem is significant in a first attempt and merits praise. I would look forward to more from you...truly. If this is the first...then wow! Wait till you're at it awhile. |
|
|
Re: Surrender or Success
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Thursday, 5th June 2014 @ 11:50:53 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Welcome to YPDC
I think you did a wonderful job with this,vivid and emotive, I felt this !Good work
Michelle
and I will throw in my super hug for you also:) |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
