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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	21-November 21:45:18 AEST

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Down

Contributed by pat346 on Tuesday, 20th May 2014 @ 05:40:49 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

I know you're not ready yet,
I know you never will be
I feel I'm on our doorstep
and I forgot my keys
A strict eye is kept on you
from a man that can barely see
two feet cause hes two sheets
and the wind isn't settling...

...down

I know it's not a one way road
I know it's a wishful thought
but I'm feeling more lost
and feeling like this is a lost cause
you used to tilt your head
and lay facing me while i drove
and the weight, just the weight of your eyes
was enough to make me implode...

...down

I know it's a waiting game
I know it's all my fault
but I know you barely tried
and I tried more than possible
Do you know that I still lose sleep?
Did you know that I still drive by?
Did you know how I waver from I miss you's
to I wish you'd ******* die?

Still I know that's not fair
all the blame I place on you
and everything I've been through
I'd still pick up for you
How's your family doing?
How's your paid off car?
I hope everything is well
I hope you're happy where you are.

but me, I'm...

Copyright Â© pat346 ... [ 2014-05-20 17:40:49]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Down (User Rating: 1 )
by softerware on Tuesday, 20th May 2014 @ 08:30:34 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Bravo!
The story is wonderful, but the chorus is the hook that draws us in! "down!" Especially left bluntly unsaid as you close with it's shadow crossing your words. The punctuation to the stanza is left for the reader to whisper silently as your poem departs the page. Eloquent.
A thoroughly enjoyable love story that doesn't let the reader……………..
softerware

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