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Empty Wish
Contributed by
dvtpdw
on
Wednesday, 23rd April 2014 @ 02:53:32 PM in AEST
Topic:
DreamsandWishes
|
Wish I could take my thoughts and memories
And stack them on the floor in a pile
Totally empty my mind of all its stories
And just listen to the quiet for awhile
I'd build each one its own little case
To hold it until I'm ready to release
Maybe then I'd finally have a taste
Of what I wish for - a little peace
Not spending each precious moment
Watching the past go streaming by
It'd be Heaven to forgo the torment
Of time wasted always questioning why
I would dance down each empty hall
Breathe in sweet smells of soundless air
I'd sit and look at each barren wall
Relishing the time it's laid bare
I know I'll have to replace its stock
Eventually back from whence it came
Maybe I'll find my mind a better lock
So I don't need to make this wish again
Copyright ©
dvtpdw
... [
2014-04-23 14:53:32]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Empty Wish
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 23rd April 2014 @ 11:12:38 PM AEST
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Perfect...maybe not the perfect poem (can any of us write one?) but a perfect idea in my opinion. I love the lock idea so you don 't need to make that wish again! Now I'm wishing for that lock. ;-)
Loved it.
Thank you,
Tim |
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Re: Empty Wish
(User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on
Thursday, 24th April 2014 @ 03:52:21 PM AEST
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Really nice! Has decent form...(a little rough in some spots, if being honest) but I COMPLETELY agree with the comment above. It is awesome and the idea is super suh-weet.
A thought...in the beginning of the poem you indicate the memories are not all sugar and warm apple pie.
Then, at the end, you think a better lock is required to hold your new (future) memories in more firmly....perhaps....instead of a better lock, you focus on producing memories that require no lock; indeed, you WISH to visit them. I realize we're in abstractions, but if one writes from the heart (as you seem to be doing) then this is not bad advice.
best to you and loved the poem! Will look for more from you, dvtpdw |
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Re: Empty Wish
(User Rating: 1 )
by RussellReinhardt on
Thursday, 24th April 2014 @ 04:02:04 PM AEST
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Yes sometimes our minds are crowded lol and sometimes we need the quite. Good write I really like it.
Greetings
Rus |
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Re: Empty Wish
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Friday, 25th April 2014 @ 12:02:03 AM AEST
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beautifully written, love the desire for silence,
hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: Empty Wish
(User Rating: 1 )
by FireStarter on
Tuesday, 25th November 2014 @ 12:21:30 PM AEST
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| silence is golden |
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