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The Enemy Camp
Contributed by
softerware
on
Thursday, 10th April 2014 @ 11:52:12 PM in AEST
Topic:
HumorPoetry
|
No matter your calling, your station, or place;
When a woman’s in love, she’ll make a space;
I learned this one night at a women’s convention..
“So how would you win him?” I cautiously mentioned;
I hoped I could backtrack the steps just so far;
To tell men at last how you got where you are!
Funny and candid, the answers surprised me!
To rise to the challenge, here's what some advised me:
“If he were a Shoemaker; I'd heel his sole!”
“If he drove an ambulance; I'd pay his tolls!”
“If he was Infallible; I’d made mistakes!”
“To love a Mortician; I’d keep him a wake!”
“If I loved a Realtor; I’d list my house;
And sell him the joys of owning a spouse!
---------------------------------------------------------
Do you see the pattern? The key to the latch?
Well, that was the moment things started to hatch!
I gathered my notes, and had a fine time;
Applying their formula; line after line!
So pull up your ego; darken the lamp;
And see what goes on in the enemy camp!
Where love’s a chameleon, bereft of discretion;
With keys to the locks of many professions!
(A bow to the ladies who wrote all this stuff;
Whatever I paid you it wasn’t enough!)
----------------------------------------------------------
To win a Conductor; she'd chase his caboose!
For love of a Hangman? Loosen his noose.
If he were a Meatpacker; she'd cure his ham;
Bring home the bacon, and jelly his lamb!
She'd be your fan; if you were a Stripper!
(If you wore the pants; then she'd be the zipper!)
A Sculptor she'd replicate deftly in bisque;
A Broker so loved, would never know risk.
If you were a Cabbie; she'd think you a hack;
(But nevertheless, would not give you back!)
A Waiter so loved ,would never more wait!
A Matchmaker, justly, would seal his own fate!
A Baker once kneaded would certainly rise;
For love of a Con Man; she'd whisper sweet lies!
Disloyal Housekeepers she would de-spouse;
(And do them one better by keeping the house)!
To win a Landscaper; she'd shamelessly park!
For love of a Welder; become Joan of Arc!
To win a Cartoonist, she'd boop-boop-a-doop!
And EWE, for an Exorcist; spit green pea soup!
An Usher would dwell in her heart front and center;
A Bouncer would have to induce her to enter!
If you were a Cowboy, she'd straddle your fences;
And if you made perfumes; she'd come to your scentses!
Her Chauffer she'd cuddle while publically riding;
But loving a Thief would keep her in hiding!
To capture a Jockey; she'd stay the course;
(With or without the help of the horse!)
To honor her Teller; she never would tell!
And were you the Devil; she'd buy stock in Hell.
-----------------------------------------------------------
She loves you, God help you, whoever you are;
You couldn’t dissuade her with feathers and tar!
And short of endowing your soul to the Reaper;
At this point, perhaps you'd do well just to keep her..
She won’t take much space (you can have the garage)
And all you need do is believe the mirage!
At worst, given time, she might help you find;
That goofy young hero you left far behind.
Cause whatever it is that makes you her star;
Trust me; You’re everything she thinks you are.
Copyright ©
softerware
... [
2014-04-10 23:52:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Enemy Camp
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 11th April 2014 @ 12:44:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Now that's true love...especially the one that would buy stock in hell! Heeheehee...funny.
Psst...did you mean thin rather than than?
(If you wore than pants; then I’d be the zipper!)
You are quite possibly the most clever person with words that I know. |
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Re: The Enemy Camp
(User Rating: 1 )
by RussellReinhardt on
Friday, 11th April 2014 @ 03:28:59 AM AEST
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Ho Soft
Well well. What an awesome write very well done. Yes you've covered just about every angle a woman would take if she wants a man. They say hell hath no furry like a woman scorned, but this says heave hath no help for man warned. If she loves you she will get you LoL
Greetings
Rus |
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Re: The Enemy Camp
(User Rating: 1 )
by Waynster on
Friday, 11th April 2014 @ 05:15:52 PM AEST
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Very nice and clever write!! Keep up the good work!
Wayne |
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Re: The Enemy Camp
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 12th April 2014 @ 01:33:02 PM AEST
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adorable write; lmao the baker! thanks for the giggles,
hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: The Enemy Camp
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Monday, 21st April 2014 @ 12:17:27 PM AEST
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Great job! This reminds me of a poem I wrote in '05 called "Words are not Enough". Same playful concept, but you definitely expanded on it. Very enjoyable read :)
~Scorp |
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