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The Winds Of Change
Contributed by
Jigget
on
Tuesday, 1st April 2014 @ 04:55:11 AM in AEST
Topic:
drugabuse
|
The Winds Of Change.
....................
Enough with all the abandoned hopes.
Enough with all the imprisoned joys.
Enough with all the desperate pleas.
Enough with all the fruitless ploys.
The time has come to lead the dance.
The time has come to believe in God.
The time has come to laugh at the rain.
The time has come to become more than flawed.
Just Let It Go, those wasted years.
Just Let It Go, those times of shame.
Just Let It Go, those nightmare days.
Just Let It Go, those pointless games.
Break the chains of self-destruct.
Break the chains of futile denial.
Break the chains of force-fed fear.
Break the chains of empty smiles.
Please realize you don't need to explain.
Please realize you don't need to hide.
Please realize you don't need to escape.
Please realize you don't need to feed pride.
So look up from the ground, it's no place to go.
So look up from the ground, there's no one but You.
So look up and around and ahead, not behind.
So look up and around and move on, straight and true.
Joshua Howell
7-11-02
Copyright ©
Jigget
... [
2014-04-01 04:55:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Winds Of Change
(User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on
Wednesday, 2nd April 2014 @ 06:15:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
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pretty good. i would drop all of the 'all the' in the first stanza.
work on the second stanza. good but line 4 is choppy
lose "just' in the third stanza
last stanza is good but needs a rework.
I like the poem, really, otherwise I wouldn't comment or offer advice.
Did you write this be a song? |
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Re: The Winds Of Change
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jigget on
Thursday, 3rd April 2014 @ 01:26:18 AM AEST
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| for one thing, i wrote it almost twelve years ago. my original intent is for a syllabic similarity in the first line of each stanza. the last one doesn't fit like a cookie cutter, but other than that, it is how it is meant to be. i appreciate the constructive criticism. i just reject it. sorry, LOL. a rework would not result in satisfaction. i just accept that i've gotten much better in the twelve years since i wrote this. |
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Re: The Winds Of Change
(User Rating: 1 )
by sashie08 on
Thursday, 3rd April 2014 @ 06:56:35 AM AEST
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| forget the past right... :) love it!! |
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Re: The Winds Of Change
(User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on
Saturday, 17th May 2014 @ 08:40:12 PM AEST
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As I perused your poems, I came across this one...I commented on it when I first came on the site. I guess I was being a bit of a dock-head that day...I'm sorry. The more I read your poems, the more impressed I am.
Best,
Invierno |
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