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This House
Contributed by
LutherSeahand
on
Thursday, 2nd January 2014 @ 09:15:51 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Clouds are weeping at my door
Puddles tearfully trickle in
Moonlight falls, whisper thin
Shingles chatter on the roof
Winter sends her lonely kiss
Restless winds, a soulful hiss
Tousled twigs caress the windows
Shattered leaves sorrow down
Willows writhe, orchids frown
Shutters sigh outside these walls
Thunder moans in evening gloom
Wilted love, that she cannot bloom
LutherSeahand, PLEASE: To help keep this site INTERACTIVE, please read and comment on at least 3 poems by our other authors for each one you submit.
Copyright ©
LutherSeahand
... [
2014-01-02 21:15:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: This House
(User Rating: 1 )
by thistle_and_fern on
Friday, 3rd January 2014 @ 02:29:52 AM AEST
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So descriptive - painting a picture with words.
awesme |
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Re: This House
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Friday, 3rd January 2014 @ 05:25:27 AM AEST
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I really enjoyed this one. A good use of the ABB rhyme scheme, and the seasonal metaphor for lost love is apt.
The last line is one syllable longer than the previous stanzas (8 instead of the 6,7,6 preceding), so the established metre is thrown off - I'd drop the 'she' to make a continuous lilting cadence to the end. Perfecto!
spike |
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Re: This House
(User Rating: 1 )
by softerware on
Saturday, 4th January 2014 @ 08:14:00 PM AEST
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Your work is a dance, blindfolded…It spins visions in the mind.
Your descriptions are majical. Not a word wasted.
Sublime. thank you
softerware |
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