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End of day
Contributed by
softerware
on
Saturday, 21st December 2013 @ 04:58:51 PM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
There’s a cigarette burn in the kitchen table;
The night’s asleep, but I’m unable!
Wine climbs the coffee rings in my cup;
The days are never long enough.
There’s a sunburned body on the livingroom spread;
Emotionally spent with an aching head.
The sink’s full of dishes;
His jeans on the chair;
And yesterday’s garbage is faint on the air.
Phone don’t ring; lady walk light.
My gentle warrior needs sleep tonight.
No guitar, no radio;
No TV, nowhere to go.
The wine is gone,
The daytime ends;
What in his dreams does my love pretend?
Are you child or eagle? Safe or chased?
How many days can the night’s erase?
I protect the child; admire the man;
Love them both as best I can.
But you spin dreams while I’m awake;
that’s magic no one else can make!
In your words and arms I find;
The dreams a young girl left behind.
Daylight, reason, go away;
Leave my love his dreams to play.
Copyright ©
softerware
... [
2013-12-21 16:58:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: End of day
(User Rating: 1 )
by christybthepoet on
Saturday, 21st December 2013 @ 07:23:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Intrigue...I really enjoyed it. thanks for sharing |
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Re: End of day
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 21st December 2013 @ 09:48:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Beautiful.
Blessings,
emy |
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Re: End of day
(User Rating: 1 )
by iodinelove on
Sunday, 22nd December 2013 @ 08:51:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I liked it.
I think that you let the straight rhymes deny you.
It's not that I think that you were using them wrong, but that they held you back.
In many instances they worked really well, but there were a few lines where you stretched your words over the rhyme.
Always work with the words towards the rhyme, not the rhyme towards the words. It will sound more natural. |
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Re: End of day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ramfire on
Monday, 23rd December 2013 @ 10:23:32 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Yes, I can see it all as you write your poem so well. A slice out of your life and I thank you for sharing it. |
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Re: End of day
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Thursday, 15th May 2014 @ 11:09:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
a little glimpse into a poets life, an excellent write
with vivid images, this is really beautiful,
hugs n' love nessa |
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