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Eclipes
Contributed by
joycejames
on
Wednesday, 28th August 2013 @ 04:00:15 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
-You are the sun, to my blistering eyes-
-The closer I get, the hotter I become -
-The translucent smile radiates, darkness in my days-
-sun in my eyes,always attractive however painful-
-moreover the heat within, causes numberless great tremors-
-The lovely sun beams, off the shattered pieces-
-shining throughout the broken, the glass slowly wielding-
-The yearned for sun, however shatters the pieces-
-the sun now knows, darkness within the pieces-
joycejames, PLEASE: To help keep this site INTERACTIVE, please read and comment on at least 3 poems by our other authors for each one you submit.
Copyright ©
joycejames
... [
2013-08-28 04:00:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Eclipes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Puppy_dog_eyes on
Monday, 14th October 2013 @ 08:35:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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My only criticism would be that I could have read more, that's because I was enjoying what I read.
Other than that it had a nice soothing quality to it
Keep writing
Steve |
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Re: Eclipes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 25th October 2013 @ 11:49:39 PM AEST
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Not sure I like that first line but I do get the point you're trying to make. Blistering eyes kinda made me cringe. It is your poetry, though, so write the way you wish to write it.
I'd also check your spelling more closely. The title is spelled incorrectly.
I do like the poem. It's good and very descriptive.
I do, however, think it is inappropriate to be asking for feedback (which is also a comment) when you do not comment on other poets here. After all, it's not your own personal website. Other members appreciate "feedback".
Thank you and  to YPDC.
Take care,
Tim |
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Re: Eclipes
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Wednesday, 1st January 2014 @ 02:59:41 AM AEST
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First of all Happy New Year.
I felt intense while reading this,nicely done.
Yes I do agree with Tim,Im an old timer on this site.
Feedback is great but do also read other poets and comment as well,it keep the site going.I know from the beginning when I came,there were a group of poets here who right away commented and helped me along, Iv had a struggle past several years with writing but it was those people in the beginning who kept me trying and with their help we all grow:)Writing is like watering a rose garden,the more you put in, the bigger the blossom:)
Hugs
Michelle |
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Re: Eclipes
(User Rating: 1 )
by alicewhite on
Tuesday, 21st January 2014 @ 11:55:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Beautiful,x |
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