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Goodbye to Love
Contributed by
shesthemoon
on
Sunday, 16th June 2013 @ 11:40:42 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Handsome stranger from another land
Haunted ghosts and frights of night
Took my breath away
Under the glowing moon that night grabbed my hand and held it tight
Cold water rushing past
Toes curling in the sand
That fateful kiss he laid upon me
Lifted me high above the land
Worlds apart
Yet so much was similar
We never spoke the same language
But try as I might to make him see
My life was too unfamiliar
He built a wall around his heart
With bricks so gingerly laid
He never let me get inside
Of intimacy he was afraid
Slowly I chipped away at it
To find glimpses of his soul
But every time I tore it down
He’d shove a brick into the hole
I tried to make him see me
Told him of my present, future, past
But my words he never understood
And his feelings faded fast
So much I longed for his gentle touch
And for that sparkle in his eye
Each time I reached out to him he cringed
but obligingly he tried
Never knowing what went wrong
He never spoke to me
Didn’t offer any thoughts or chance to talk things through
Instead he chose to let it be
Friends is all he said we were
As if I could ever stop loving
So from a distance I must care
And in private do my grieving
As time goes on
My love for him grows Stronger by the day
my broken heart won’t seem to mend
So many things I long to say
But he has moved on
And off he goes to find somebody new
So in my pillow at night I cry
And whisper to him adieu
So I must say goodbye to first love
And dreams of a future that will never be
For I fell in love with him
But he merely likes me
Copyright ©
shesthemoon
... [
2013-06-16 11:40:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Goodbye to Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by flavellm on
Sunday, 16th June 2013 @ 12:58:40 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| elegant, really well written. Only a beginner? plenty of potential, good luck. |
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Re: Goodbye to Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wide_eyed on
Sunday, 16th June 2013 @ 06:16:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Extremely relatable. You're great at pulling your audience in. |
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Re: Goodbye to Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wordsmith123 on
Wednesday, 19th June 2013 @ 08:35:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Welcome to YPDC. This is well done. Keep up the good writes.
In response to your comment about flow: The addition of punctuation can do wonders for perceived choppiness or awkwardness. Punctuation dispels ambiguity, and thereby makes the piece feel more orderly, without sacrificing meaning.
Other than that, nicely done.
Best Wishes
Wordsmith123 |
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Re: Goodbye to Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Friday, 21st June 2013 @ 06:45:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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this is a very well written heart felt piece for someone who just started writing.. and welcome to writing.. continue to do so your very talented.. I understand how you feel.. that is a horrible thing to go though.. you will find better though and good things are in store for you just hang in there
beautiful write
vampyress Jenni |
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