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Christmas Parody
Contributed by
softerware
on
Tuesday, 7th May 2013 @ 10:28:05 PM in AEST
Topic:
HumorPoetry
|
T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house;
We were all on a diet, except for the mouse.
The celery was hung outside in the air;
In hopes that we’d soon all have slimmer deriers
And me in my 3X and Dress Barn Serape;
Had just hit the couch for a quick Christmas nappie.
A GIANT crash woke me; A Richter scale 5th
Like a skydive gone wrong by Burl Ives and Kate Smith.
I rolled off the couch and turned off the TV;
Followed close by the dog and a gaggle of fleas;
And who to our sleepy old bloodshots appeared?
Hoss Cartwright, Al Hitchcock, and the ghost of James Beard!
The calorie kings of Christmases past;
(Undoubtedly coming to get me at last).
They said not a word but each began twitchin;
Whipped out their cookbooks and made for the kitchen.
With slicers and dicers and mashers and graters;
Two blenders, a fry pan, and one old tomater;
They soon filled the whole house with goodies galore;
(Hi-cal temptations to test us I’m sure!)
“We’re all on a diet! This must be a trick!”
Yet, …who ever heard of a skinny St. Nick?
This is the season for carefree excesses;
Pants that won’t button and Ringling sized dresses!
For butter and cream and snifters of brandy;
Industrial spandex and Pepto kept handy!
For chocolate and eggnog and overstuffed birds;
Cranberry jellies and seconds, …and thirds!
I admit I did envy the smile on that mouse,
As he swallowed the last of a gingerbread house.
Then the chefs spun around and gave me a wink;
And made their escape down the drain of the sink!
And I heard them exclaim (as I took a huge bite),
It’s Christmas, and there’ll be no dieting tonight!
Copyright ©
softerware
... [
2013-05-07 22:28:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Christmas Parody
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 7th May 2013 @ 11:03:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I enjoyed this from the first word to the last.
Blessings,
emy |
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Re: Christmas Parody
(User Rating: 1 )
by davemus on
Wednesday, 8th May 2013 @ 05:16:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| This was great fun. Good job |
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Re: Christmas Parody
(User Rating: 1 )
by Puppy_dog_eyes on
Friday, 17th May 2013 @ 07:01:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This one made me laugh, despite it being the middle of Summer (well that's what the weather men say).
I'm not sure I'll ever look at Christmas in the same way ever again.
Great stuff
Steve |
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Re: Christmas Parody
(User Rating: 1 )
by JamesStockdale on
Thursday, 15th December 2016 @ 05:55:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
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OMG this was truly awesome and so comical.
I loved it!
James |
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