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What's your Emotion?

Contributed by MogulPoet on Wednesday, 9th January 2013 @ 07:24:43 PM in AEST
Topic: selfstruggles

I fall into the deepest pit of emotion.
Not evening knowing what put me in this notion.
It's nothing like sitting on the shoreline of the ocean,
There's a whole lot more of a commotion.
And I feel as if life has given me the opposite of a promotion.
Yeah that's right it's a demotion!
It's as if the last few years have been set in slow motion,
I'm not moving anywhere like any ole locomotion.
All I do here is listen to other people's problems and show them my devotion.
What I want is a motivation potion.
That way I can live my life in the onward motion,
And get out of this pit of emotion.

Copyright © MogulPoet ... [ 2013-01-09 19:24:43]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: What's your Emotion? (User Rating: 1 )
by Tarheel_Treat on Tuesday, 19th February 2013 @ 02:13:16 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I liked your poem. There are just a few things:
1) I think you meant "even" and not "evening" in L2 -I could be wrong.
2)L5 and L6 seem too redundant. If you want to say what you have to say without being too literal, I think that you should cut out L6.....but, It's just a suggestion.

Thanks for the good read! :-)

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