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Dead men tell no tales

Contributed by voice of the silent on Friday, 10th August 2012 @ 01:30:36 AM in AEST
Topic: oops

Dead men tell no tales
From the abyss of hell
Their hearts no more filled with scorn
Their minds no longer so worn

From the land high above
The people mourning the man they loved
Wishing he could. Stay
But now hes so far away

Dead men no longet choosing sides
In a way at peace on the inside
No longer do i call your being enemy
But i look unto you with envy

Copyright © voice of the silent ... [ 2012-08-10 01:30:36]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Dead men tell no tales (User Rating: 1 )
by FragileStrength on Thursday, 30th August 2012 @ 03:57:06 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This was good, I will say that. I enjoyed your points, and agreed with them. I think you need to use a certain number of syllables throughout, because it read all over the place. Also, some of the rhymes were a bit cliche.
You have made an excellent start.

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