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Bottle of water

Contributed by ek_da_poet on Tuesday, 7th August 2012 @ 11:50:24 PM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

A passage that proceeds in a sahara like desert
where humidity is high making breath taking painful
the sun rays scorching the human body, reaching a boiling point
worn apparrels of light colored short and tshirt, trying to becareful
light to envision can be blinding ,blurry binded by the wind
senses fallen weak from foes around, nature has been unkind to this mankind
for this mirage she is in thirst for this bottle of water

up in the heights in a sand castle waiting
made of tiny particles of worn down rocks, soon to be my ring
upward travel through heat to meet hydration before its de
the boundaries of water and sandy with the breeze try to meet
watching every step this feet lands on, avoiding injury and peace
within distance your view a tanned skin, smoothe as a volley ball surface
your blue eyed of the ocean, it was like looking at sea in slow motion
as the range came near, something ugly befell the sky a dark dramatization
became bone dryed when you have been red handed with someone elses bottle of water

Copyright © ek_da_poet ... [ 2012-08-07 23:50:24]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Bottle of water (User Rating: 1 )
by Elizabeth_Dandy on Friday, 17th August 2012 @ 01:37:56 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Your poem is rather coplex dear friend. Having somebody else's bottle of water seems to be the gist. and the dilemma. I would try to keep the lines shorter to have the elements of the poem more readable and understandable. which the composition and its sense greatly deserves.
Thanks a lot for sharing
Blessings
Elizabeth

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