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Just some poem
Contributed by
devim
on
Tuesday, 26th June 2012 @ 08:10:02 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
Trying to reach and obey
That dictator code
That let's me stay
Above the rocks she is,
Taunting serpent of mine
Creator of ropes and hopes
To make me climb to abyss.
Mastering the other me,
only one can prevail.
This duality I see,
Killing me in detail.
Copyright ©
devim
... [
2012-06-26 20:10:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Just some poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ensis718 on
Tuesday, 26th June 2012 @ 09:10:50 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I greatly enjoyed your poem! I thought it was masterpiece, by the way. One of your problems is struggling between the mask you put up for others and the face underneath, right? My advice is that you should keep writing poems, then try to look in between the lines of each poem to truly see what problem you're facing. The best way to be confidant is to accept your flaws and then flaunt it in someone's face when they try to insult you. Works every time. You can private message me for more advice if you want. |
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Re: Just some poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by mcnickname on
Tuesday, 26th June 2012 @ 09:43:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Really came off the screen as lyrics to me? have you tried setting them to music or do you make your own music?
these hold a specific structure for a a certain genre, just cant place which one? |
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Re: Just some poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by northernlights on
Saturday, 30th June 2012 @ 02:52:44 AM AEST
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| There is something about the rawness of youth that brings power to writing and you have shown this Bringing to the stage the struggle of having to obey, of temptation, aspirations, and the wonderful last line summarising the struggle,' killing me in detail.Strong and expressive, keep penning and use all of the fresh vibrant vitality that youth can bring to the page. |
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