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no answers will ever come,
Contributed by
desire
on
Tuesday, 5th June 2012 @ 04:45:02 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
i have asked myself this question alot lately, and i dont know why
mayabe secertly, i want the truth to be a lie
i want to believe that she loved me, and wanted me when i was born
and that is the delima, in which my heart is torn
honestly i dont even know why i care, after all these years
since i have let go of the heartache, and fears
why cant i remember her saying " i love you" through the years
why do i only remember all the tears
the tears that were caused by her acting like she didnt want, the responsibility of me
what is it or who was it that she saw, when she looked at me
was it the biological father, that i will never know
or was it because she was thrown out of the house, because her pregnancy with me started to show
did my sperm donor of a father, not want her or me
or did my existance bring her hostility, from her family
these are answers, that i will never ever know
because when it came to me, she rarely ever let her emotions show
financially all our needs where met, and the few times she acted like a mother, i will never forget
and the to answer these questions, are ones i will never get
i just tell myself, in her own way she loved me, even though she never let me see
why would she, or why did she hide her love for me
i did every thing i could, to make her proud of me
and no matter what i did, i always felt like she hated me
can you imagine, not feeling the love of the one ,who gave you LIFE and then rejected you
i came so close to a nervous break down, but God pulled me through
he gave me the gift of poetry, to write it down and not hold it in me
he blessed me with a gift, that saved my sanity
he placed people, in my life along the way,
to show me what a mothers love felt like, and im thankful i must say
my mother was suffering from a childhood, of not feeling wanted and rejected at times, that much i know
maybe thats why she never let love for me show
maybe. maybe, maybe is all i know
all i can do is guess, and assume and just let it go
i know God wanted me here if no one else did, that i know for sure
he has a journey for me, to get through and endure
so as long as i keep myself focused, and on stay task, as i journey through all Gods test
i know what ever he has instore for me, is only for me to be at my best
though feeling unloved and unwanted by the DNA that concieved me one thing i do know
is that GOD dont make mistakes and everything, and everyone is created for a specific reason that only time will show
for he is my life line, my source of love that never changes
he is the constant in my life no matter how it rearranges
and as all the insecurities and fears slowly fall away
i know GOD my heavenly father, the one true giver of life will remain
no matter how many times i fall on this journey, no matter how much i complain
he is the only one that can keep me sane
when life can be a drain
on my very heart and soul
and things out of my control
he is my stength when i have none
and my voice when i dont have one
he is without a doubt every thing good in and about me
he is my everything you see
and his kingdom is where my destiney
God willing, its where it will lead me
because without God we are not free
and free from this life of ignorance and chaos and confusion is what i want to be
im a human being im alive and breathing, and i matter to GOD if no one else cares,
written by shirlee Record
date 6//2012
Copyright ©
desire
... [
2012-06-05 16:45:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: no answers will ever come,
(User Rating: 1 )
by Waynster on
Wednesday, 6th June 2012 @ 09:34:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
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That poem was really deep! You have a talent, just as much as I, for writing and putting words in a special place. Maybe you only need to change the style of how you write it to make it look beautiful, because the words you use make it sound beautiful.
Wayne |
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Re: no answers will ever come,
(User Rating: 1 )
by desire on
Wednesday, 6th June 2012 @ 02:20:07 PM AEST
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thanks so much for the kind words and advice.
it flowed so fast and i quickly posted it while i had the nerve...i agree with you though |
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