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Roads
Contributed by
lostrelic
on
Sunday, 27th May 2012 @ 01:52:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Torn from all that it knows it leaves the branch, floating on a gentle spring breeze.
A seed is born into the world, floating to the ground below.
Awaiting the soil or spark to give it life, so it can reach to the heavens and be part of the earth.
Natures true church, each moment a sermon on living and to remind ourselves of all that we have.
Each moment to give a new life the same freedom to grow.
To reach its hands to the sky.
We all need to reach our heights.
Beauty in our everyday lives,
busy running to live but never really living.
Stuck in this wheel while the rest are either running ahead,
or have fallen behind. Far and few outreached hands to lift one up.
Crowds of families lying that they are strangers as
the children are being left behind. As we all sell ourselves to the highest bidder
just to stay alive.
It's hard to see your beauty while the mirror tells you lies.
As society sell you lies. Reaching out to be our own unique selves.
Unable to see through all the stereotypes and labels placed.
It is all lies, life isn't a lie. We are all amazing, all capable of many feats.
Everyone of us deserves to to shine. To help others to shine.
I want to shine.
These roads of darkness are getting too old.
We need to start to think about better tomorrows.
Let us stop this now,
before we run out of road.
Copyright ©
lostrelic
... [
2012-05-27 13:52:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Roads
(User Rating: 1 )
by JustJane on
Sunday, 27th May 2012 @ 03:30:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Hello,
I would correct some of the mistakes - deserves to to shine, also natures should be nature's - it will make a better impression without the mistakes. The beginning of your poem is peaceful, calm...and so is the ending. Your poem is about nature therefore words like "stereotype" and "label" seem a bit out of place here. I would change these verses or delete them.
I would also delete these verses:
It is all lies, life isn't a lie. We are all amazing, all capable of many feats.
Everyone of us deserves to to shine. To help others to shine.
I want to shine.
It is not that I dont like the message. It is just that it sounds like many other verses and that is not good.
On the contrary, I like this one very much >
It's hard to see your beauty while the mirror tells you lies.
:)
Hope you find at least some of this useful :) |
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Re: Roads
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stephyy87 on
Sunday, 27th May 2012 @ 03:43:51 PM AEST
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| i Enjoyed it, Keep Up The Good Work ! (: |
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Re: Roads
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostrelic on
Monday, 28th May 2012 @ 04:28:44 PM AEST
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Well to be honest the poem is about growth and how nature are both and the same' The seed is me leaving the family tree. The images of shine and I want to shine are me detailing that over my life I've had to not be my true self and my quest to overcome it. How I wish I was able to shine.
The mistakes I can live with, they are tiny imperfections on a imperfect person as my self. |
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