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Please Just Save Me
Contributed by
CARAAAAA
on
Friday, 4th May 2012 @ 02:23:51 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Today I fell down again,
knees buckling, keeling over, kneeling to the sky.
As the unflinching sun
stares down at me judgementally,
the universe claps resoundingly
with thunder
as i eat a mouthful
of hard, unidentifiable rubble.
Sharp, jagged crud
infiltrates my gasping mouth
and sets me in a tizzy
as it sucks me in whole
with the consistency of quick sand.
The weight of guilt
mires me further
and as the deliberate,
mocking motions of the mind
struggle with the nonchalance of nature
I start to wonder
if my cries of desperation
are drivel to divine ears.
Copyright ©
CARAAAAA
... [
2012-05-04 02:23:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Please Just Save Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Friday, 4th May 2012 @ 03:04:15 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Great writing.
blessings,
emy |
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Re: Please Just Save Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 4th May 2012 @ 03:40:43 AM AEST
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I don't think "cries of desperation"
are ever "drivel to divine ears", we just may not always get the exact answer we were hoping for.
And seeing how I have stated my opinion I shall state another since I am on a roll. You are a gifted writer!!!
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Re: Please Just Save Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Aspirant on
Friday, 4th May 2012 @ 05:19:09 AM AEST
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Your writing is very complex, but my simple mind finds little depth in this piece. While that can be an appealing quality, it makes a strange impression when accompanied by such sophisticated diction.
What of the self-condemnation at the core of this poem? What does it mean? As the Creator of this poem, are the hanging questions arising from the design mere drivel to your ears!? |
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