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Sunshine and Cigarettes
Contributed by
ShaeBay
on
Wednesday, 18th April 2012 @ 12:32:58 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
As I take that first drag of a freshly lit cigarette,
The inhale lights my spirit and the buzz begins.
I sit back by the waterfall remembering you,
You would be mad if you were here.
You hated my filthy habit.
The water rushes by, looking inviting.
I chuck the rest of my cigarette,
As I slip into the water,
The memories flood into my mind.
The feelings of guilt, sorrow, and hatred
Swarm in a taunting way all over.
The pain is to hard to take.
The coldness numbs my body,
And I know it's finally time.
The climb up isn't the worst.
Looking down at the water below,
I smile up at the sun, waiting,
Waiting to join you, no matter what.
I leap.
Falling to the emptiness below.
The plunge, the rush, the relief.
As my body sinks below.
The last bit of sunlight,
Shines down on my smiling face.
Copyright ©
ShaeBay
... [
2012-04-18 12:32:58]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Sunshine and Cigarettes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 18th April 2012 @ 12:45:54 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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That was a good read. I really enjoyed it. Very good imagery. Now see? Even though I fully understand how emotions can pull us under, had that really happened I probably wouldn't be sitting here enjoying it now.
Take care,
Tim |
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Re: Sunshine and Cigarettes
(User Rating: 1 )
by HaroldWilson on
Thursday, 19th April 2012 @ 11:17:25 AM AEST
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a Message)
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A good poem. I only have two critiques:
1. The twelfth line should read 'The pain is too hard to take', because the first 'to' needs to have 2 o's.
2. The rhythm may be smoother if you drop 'down' from the last line. You don't strictly need it because we know that sunlight comes down.
But for a suicide/dark poem, it was refreshingly restrained and short of cliches.
-Harold. |
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Re: Sunshine and Cigarettes
(User Rating: 1 )
by thehotshotpoet on
Saturday, 21st April 2012 @ 07:12:49 AM AEST
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a Message)
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beautifully worded thanks for sharing
the hot shot poet |
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