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Wednesday is Goodbye
Contributed by
yesyesok
on
Thursday, 15th March 2012 @ 12:30:52 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Ive never really written a poem before but I became inspired on the train home the other day. I hope you all enjoy, I would love feedback. Thanks very much, Sean.
Wednesday is Goodbye.
Old grey bones rattle around
slowly, carefully,
to be placed with caution
smiling on, heart beating quietly
Every moment is real
Every moment could be his last
A blue sky drips over death tenements
box to box, 40 years of nothing
I watch the old man,
Pale colours in the smoke
Comfort dressed with ash
surprised at his own perception
Clean shaven and waiting,
the help he needs he gets
older by the hour
catching glimpes of memories
Box to box, he will be at home
rest his broken body
cursing the days spent inside
we could have done more
to make his departure more homely
but we had too much to bare
this poor old man lies lonely
wishing his pipe and can were there
Copyright ©
yesyesok
... [
2012-03-15 12:30:52]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Wednesday is Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 15th March 2012 @ 06:50:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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It's creative, sad, yet imaginative. I think you need to watch your spelling &/or grammar. Bare/Bear...and the apostrophe is our friend. (In your note). I aslo think 40 should be forty but perhaps that's just personal to me.
However, I think it is inappropriate to be asking for "feedback" when
1. You seem unwilling to return same
and
2. Every time you post a poem the site asks for you to read and comment on at least three for every one you post.
Just saying.
Keep up the good work...at least as for as writing and  to YPDC.
Thanks,
Tim |
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Re: Wednesday is Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 15th March 2012 @ 11:56:25 PM AEST
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Welcome to YPDC.
Keep writing.
blessings,
emy
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Re: Wednesday is Goodbye
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 15th March 2012 @ 11:59:39 PM AEST
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Sorry for your short time u will have with him.
I know it hurts but there comes to a point that u rather say good bye soo he want suffer any more. Hang tuff,
Blessings, prayer and inner peace,
emy |
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