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Be happy when there is a death and sad when there is a birth
Contributed by
Poetic_Victorian
on
Thursday, 29th December 2011 @ 03:27:08 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Be happy when there is a death and sad when there is a birth. For the dead have no worries, no pain, and no suffering. They don't have to dwell on the objectifying standards of the modern world, no longer bullied by life, never having to deal with the agrivation of racism, homophobia, and pessimism, Death is beautiful. But the newly born must be born into a world of deceit, wretchedness, and stupidity. Struggling in a world of rejection, and hatred towards fellow men, the stubborness and ignorance that ruins lives, and the evilness that destorys a childs innocence and corrupts the minds of the youth. Life is a horribly cruel joke.
Copyright ©
Poetic_Victorian
... [
2011-12-29 15:27:08]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Be happy when there is a death and sad when there is a birth
(User Rating: 1 )
by Daniel_L_Bamberg on
Thursday, 29th December 2011 @ 05:56:57 PM AEST
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I hope you take this well poet but there simply isn't anything fresh here. I opened this thinking you must've been paying tribute to another poet's work but there are no direct quotations. The idea of this poem is similar to many famous sermons as well as many famous poems. There is no problem with that in of itself. Art is sometimes only as good as its influences. The problem again, is that you cite no influences and make no attempt to modify any originality to a stale century's old concept. Being from the angst generation I can assure you had no poets and pastors stated these things before you, there were at least 950 garage bands of the 1990s all trying hard to be Nirvana and saying the exact same thing.
I am sorry but can't sense your skills or be captivated by words unless there is a person within them. This is plain an lacks your own personal touch. Lose yourself in your muse, don't figure out a way to say the same things that have already been said in the exact same way.
Sorry for the criticism. I will be looking forward to seeing something more original from you. Keep writing.
DLB |
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Re: Be happy when there is a death and sad when there is a birth
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 29th December 2011 @ 10:01:01 PM AEST
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Welcome to YPDC.
Good writing.
Blessings,
emy |
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Re: Be happy when there is a death and sad when there is a birth
(User Rating: 1 )
by Robert_Edgar_Burns on
Friday, 30th December 2011 @ 04:34:43 AM AEST
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I must say that this write conveys a very defeatist frame of mind which I can never share, but do applaud your attempt to make your point and be heard. However, you must be able to connect your thought patterns with actual conclusions instead of incomplete phrases for the reader to get a sense of where you are coming from. Like Emy said above, Welcome to YPDC and don't give up. Your
mind may change about things in time. Wait
till you have your first grandchild, and see if you might rewrite this with a more praise worthy title change!
Blessings,
Robert Edgar Burns (Rob) |
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