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Quality of life
Contributed by
girish
on
Thursday, 29th December 2011 @ 02:35:31 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
People in IT today earn a lot
Agriculture is not seen and forgot
Life is really easy with software
It cannot produce rice! beware
You earn money and go for loans
To own a car and even for homes
You lose employment for recession
Car and home not in your possession
Both husband and wife are employed
To care child or parent you really avoid
Parents are sent only to old age home
Children in day care is the present norm
Our life on earth had lost its essence
You can realize it without surveillance
People care for themselves not for others
Gone are the days of our forefathers
Today I earn a lot but I cannot enjoy
Growth is not guaranteed my boy!
Let us all move to the old way of living
United we stand, remain happy and sing
Copyright ©
girish
... [
2011-12-29 02:35:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Quality of life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sam24 on
Thursday, 29th December 2011 @ 03:07:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| It was rather good. I liked the subject, it had some nice points I think. |
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Re: Quality of life
(User Rating: 1 )
by richard2 on
Thursday, 29th December 2011 @ 03:15:50 AM AEST
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| Excellent words and well expressed. I could not agree more. Do unselfishly for family and others and let the world roll on. |
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Re: Quality of life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 29th December 2011 @ 06:46:54 AM AEST
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In the course of modern humanity we should be embarrassed and shamed that money and greed
play the dominate influence on our lives. I'd rather be poor as an overgrazed pasture but still rich in the overall lay of the land of enchantment. 1989 I 'n' my wife made a decision to seek the old fashioned quality of life of a hundred years ago. Now we're drippin' rich in love 'n' friendships. Thanks fer puttin' this out to a collective of fools 'n' hypocrites.
wabl
KenMoore
cowboy |
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Re: Quality of life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Daniel_L_Bamberg on
Thursday, 29th December 2011 @ 09:50:38 AM AEST
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Terrific, terrific piece initially. Had you not backed yourself into a corner with your rhyme scheme this could have been more potently terrific.
I have never been a fan of revisiting and editing over works. I believe a poem is to be constructed as the muse reveals itself. However over the years I've learned that at times you must be more patient with the muse, especially when wanting to share your work with others.
Sharing our emotions and passions is such an important concept that it is imperative to grip the reader as much as we are struck by our muses. The rhyme scheme you've used works well with many poems and for the first few stanzas played out nicely in your work. Eventually however, your words became forgotten and overshadowed by the rhymes.
You show a solid modernistic brilliance in your piece here and perhaps the difference between terrific and potent is only a matter of my personal opinion but this could have been classic in my estimation had you been more patient with what your muse was trying to relay.
Never over analyze or second guess your own work, but never race to conclude it. That's just my opinion. Overall a good bit of work.
Well Done!
DLB |
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Re: Quality of life
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Friday, 30th December 2011 @ 01:53:03 AM AEST
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I really don't see anything wrong with this write. Much truth.
Good job.
blessings,
emy
It's always good to see something new from you. |
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Re: Quality of life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Robert_Edgar_Burns on
Friday, 30th December 2011 @ 04:24:51 PM AEST
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I am confused. Why would you AVOID to care for
a parent or child? I didn't understand what you
meant by that, but otherwise, nice job.
Blessings,
Robert Edgar Burns (Rob) |
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Re: Quality of life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Keykey on
Monday, 16th January 2012 @ 09:55:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Life can be hard. Even if you have the solution to one problem, it can cause another problem. I like this poem :) |
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