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Three Words
Contributed by
alolam
on
Monday, 21st November 2011 @ 06:01:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Three words: "I love you".
Their meaning?
A conveyance of the heart.
A definition of feelings.
Do You understand?
You take them with dubious reception.
A duplicated response.
How do You answer?
Lukewarm giggles of dismissal.
A deliverance of ambiguity.
"Penny?"
You give taunting mutters from my side.
A night of passion lost through words.
Why do I talk?
You give me little reason.
Three words: "I love you".
To Me a hard confession,
To You light pillow talk.
Copyright ©
alolam
... [
2011-11-21 18:01:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Three Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Robert_Edgar_Burns on
Monday, 21st November 2011 @ 09:00:50 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Out of the abundance of the heart,
the mouth speaks. True love is a
choice we make, not feelings
we take. Those come with time
but you must first Choose it!
Enjoyable, perceptive write!
Blessings,
Robert Edgar Burns (Rob) |
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Re: Three Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by doug on
Saturday, 3rd December 2011 @ 04:42:32 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I can't offer any critical analysis. I think you did well what you were trying to accomplish. Those last two lines are always the hardest are'nt they. Always have to sum up everything in a nice neat little bow. You've done that very well. It gives a nice sense of completion to the poem. I guess I can offer something but this is only the direction I would have gone had I written this. I would have , though most likely I'd have failed , tried to convey a stronger image of the impact of the non-chalant respone to your proclamation of love... not by telling it but by showing it... I don't know.. like His boots echoed in retreat as the pavement wearily rose up to meet them as opposed to He walk away. There is really nothing wrong with your approach however. You did an excellent job. truly , Doug |
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