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I used to love him and I think I still do
Contributed by
Confusious
on
Wednesday, 16th November 2011 @ 01:03:47 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
On an emotional roller coaster, with a man not mine to claim.
He use to be my ex many moons ago
We recently reconnected after being apart for over 20 years
I don’t even know him anymore, but I still feel something
Is it love… lust, or am I just insane.
I spent years running from him and hoping to never see him again.
One day he spotted me in a parking lot and spoke to me…hugged me tightly...
My entire body melted on the spot! So awkward.. so sweet…I was speechless.
My heart was racing, my mind was frantic, my face was smiling, my feet were running.
He looked amazing, he felt even better...this was clearly a sin!
At first I was mad. Why did I have to run into him?
And on a day that I did not look my best, not even close!
WTF…Why do I care? I’ve moved on….he’s moved on.
But his face, his smile, his voice crippled me.
This was not supposed to happen. I'VE MOVED ON!
But I feel something pounding in my chest. Is this just a whim?
He gave me his number and went on his way.
I refused to call. I told myself “I am not calling that man.”
What would I say? What would he say?
I tossed and turned for one full week. No rest, no sleep, not even a wink.
Eyes wide open staring at the ceiling wondering what…why… how…why…why?
I finally broke down and sent a text message:
“Hey E, great to see you the other day.”
After only speaking to him a few times, I am hooked.
He is still as funny as ever, wiser, stronger, and even more charming than before.
I can’t wait till he calls me or sends me a text.
I smile when I see his number flashing on my phone.
Like a school girl…. hoping, wishing, and praying for his affection.
He’s got me wide open like a good book.
I realize now that I never got over him….over us
He was once mine to marry and create offspring, but I dropped him for another.
Why did we break up you ask?
On one hand he was thoughtful, kind, loving, gentle…
On the other hand he was evasive, inconsiderate, and unprotective of my feelings.
I guess I just found our relationship hard to trust, and when someone else came along, I decided to put an end to us.
So what is the problem? What am I doing? Where do I go from here?
I am falling for him hard and I don’t want to. I am really scared
Am I DTF? no….No…..NO. I don’t want to go there and I don’t get the impression that he does either. But for me, an emotional relationship is still something to fear.
Let me tell you what I know
And then I will let you go!
He was my first love
My first boyfriend fight
The first to crack my back
The first boy to get me in trouble with the elders
The first boy I ever felt the need to fight over or about
The first boy that ever made me cry
The first boy that could make me smile just from thinking of him
The first boy to ever make me feel good
The first boy that I ever confessed my love to out loud
The first boy to make me covet
The first boy I ever ******
The first boy I ever missed
We fit together like a glove.
Okay then, another time
Hopefully I have an answer when I drop the next dime.
Peace, Love, and Chicken Grease,
Signed
Confused
Copyright ©
Confusious
... [
2011-11-16 13:03:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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