|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Can we break the chain
Contributed by
poet0815
on
Thursday, 6th October 2011 @ 08:39:46 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Can we break the chain ?
By the stillness of your qualming breeze
my helpless wingstrokes surrendered in peace.
How warm and consulting it was
to rest and recover in your arms!
No words may be told
no sorrow be sold
that carries a truth
rebacking our youth.
But when closing my eyes now
and imaging your face how,
in all of my dreams
I will long for that breeze.
From now on those wingstrokes will call
and brooklets of teardrops will fall
to qualm and release me,
all sorrow in vain,
set everything free
that causes my pain.
Let me thank you my true friend,
so graceful of your tender hand,
that touched me for quitening,
now remaining less frightening.
Whenever sparkling winds blow,
and rivers of humming tears flow,
our soal and our heart,
will never be apart.
So can we break through the last remaining chain :
When time has come will you do it again ?
Copyright ©
poet0815
... [
2011-10-06 08:39:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Can we break the chain
(User Rating: 1 )
by FlintHunter on
Thursday, 6th October 2011 @ 09:46:26 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
'Can we break the chain' is a good poem, but I want to try to answer your question about English. There are some mistakes. Some of them are grammatical and some are related to vocabulary; I suspect that you are using a 'spell-checker,' and it is suggesting to you words which are wrong. I will show you an example:
By the stillness of your qualming breeze
QUALMING should be CALMING
my helpless wingstrokes surrendered in peace.
GOOD
How warm and consulting it was
CONSULTING should be COMFORTING
to rest and recover in your arms!
GOOD
English is a difficult language, but it is a very expressive one. Keep learning. My advice is NOT to rely on the spell-check -- since it suggests words which you think are the words you want -- but these are not the words you want. Trust yourself more. It would be good if you had a well-educated native English speaker to edit your writing. But don't give up. You will get there! Good work.
--FlintHunter
Contributed by poet0815 on Thursday, October 06 2011 @ 08:39:46 AEST
Topic: Emotional Poetry
|
|
|
Re: Can we break the chain
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 6th October 2011 @ 10:20:59 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Welcome to YPDC.
Your writing is awesome.
Very touching.
Huggs, blessings,
emy |
|
|
Re: Can we break the chain
(User Rating: 1 )
by deusdeira on
Friday, 7th October 2011 @ 12:49:57 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I'm not gonna lie... that was a way better poem than most of my English speaking friends can write. :P There were a few grammar errors... but you did great! Nice work! |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
