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made rules

Contributed by ming on Monday, 18th July 2011 @ 09:48:13 AM in AEST
Topic: abstract



broken edges
deep cut
shiver-shrug
shake away
hard as bone
white panicked
eyes

and a bitter echo
fades the heart
ends come
still and flat
your stubborn
mouth

wiped clean
willing calm
I place the stars
that lost shine
dull

heart in a jar
by my bed
lid tight
closed.




Copyright © ming ... [ 2011-07-18 09:48:13]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: made rules (User Rating: 1 )
by UNORTHODOX on Tuesday, 19th July 2011 @ 08:26:13 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
I'm nearly speechless
this passage is vividly brutal, and certainly composed well
this was surely a darker side of the mind at work
and brilliantly so, in the end I sensed some level of resolve
which made for a soothing balance
well written

-UNORTHODOX


Re: made rules (User Rating: 1 )
by Deidra_Carmichael on Tuesday, 19th July 2011 @ 11:28:32 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
It is just amazing-your creativity/abstractness! The details are just pout out there and work together to make an enjoyable and skillful write. Keep on writing for I know you can with talent,
Deidra




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