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Demise
Contributed by
erniej
on
Thursday, 28th April 2011 @ 02:05:36 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
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Brothers and sisters I had none
The start of father’s passing had begun
As I, only one, and left with the chore
To watch over and care
till his heart beat no more
I pondered the former
and what transpired before
Things lacking significance,
time spent brooding about
Things as a son I felt he left out
Consuming my soul, of things carried inside
All the longer it felt, before his demise
Feeling the martyr, of things not said or done
Longing a father, be he not the one
Deserving more thought I as his son
Inspired by wrath, goad by disdain
Spurred on by bitterness
my heart stayed the same
When his time came, his ending begun
The last words spoken, “I love you my son”
Copyright ©
erniej
... [
2011-04-28 14:05:36] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Demise
(User Rating: 1 ) by Zeberdee on
Thursday, 28th April 2011 @ 03:25:00 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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A very personal poem. Overall I enjoyed it, the story centering around son-father relationship is a favourite theme of mine, and one most sons can relate to. I also enjoy the personal narrative. Though there are a few stray lines and words that seem redundant. Using incorrect grammatical tense of some words has a confusing and perhaps off-throwing effect(line 19 for instance), but alas poetry has no rules.
The poem requires more than one reading. Which is a compliment.
3.5 out of 5. |
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