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A Sweet Angel In Purple
Contributed by
Shalu
on
Friday, 8th April 2011 @ 11:00:50 PM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
|
That little innocent eyes gazing at me
As asking me to come and talk to her
That cute shy laugh she made at me
As filling me with joy all over.
That most beautiful face I have ever seen
As compelling me to watch fixedly at her
That lovely silky hair making me so keen
As bowing me to rub my hands over her.
That shaking of her head and making faces at me
As imitating me to have fun
That sweet angel in purple is still in front of me
As showering happiness everywhere like a sun.
Copyright ©
Shalu
... [
2011-04-08 23:00:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: A Sweet Angel In Purple
(User Rating: 1 )
by hacktastic on
Saturday, 9th April 2011 @ 02:38:34 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I think there are a few things you could do to improve this poem. I made some changes as outlined below. I hope you don't mind or take offense. Also, I added an alternate title.
Violet Angel
Those little innocent eyes gazing at me
As if asking I come to talk with her.
That cute, shy laugh she made at me
Filling me with joy all over.
The most beautiful face I've ever seen
Compels me to watch her fixedly
That lovely silky hair making me so keen
As bowing me to rub my hands over her.
("As bowing me..." I don't know what this last line meant, so no guesses there)
She shakes her head and making faces at me
Imitating me in fun
That sweet angel is still before me
Showering happiness like the sun.
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Re: A Sweet Angel In Purple
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shalu on
Monday, 11th April 2011 @ 06:31:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| thanx 4 ur suggsetion dear.actually i m very new 2 this poetry world.i like it that you told me how to improve my poetry.i'll b more concious now. |
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