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Stuck inside reality
Contributed by
Evanescencefreak
on
Sunday, 6th March 2011 @ 02:52:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Lock up the door
And throw away the kea
Shut me up in side
I don’t want to see
The pain, the fear, the hatred
It’s just too much to bear
But how could you know, ‘cos your not inside me
And you don’t have to live there
Help me, save me
Cut away the pain
I don’t want to be here
Help me feel real again
Cos I'm alone in the darkness
With noting left to hold
I’ve given my soul to the devil
And my heart I willingly sold
All it caused me was heartache
And all that it brought me was more
Time I could slip away slowly in
Gouging it out was not soar
But I thought a body could not live without
A heart, or without a soul
Alas I was wrong, for here I remain
Left but without my control.
Copyright ©
Evanescencefreak
... [
2011-03-06 14:52:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Stuck inside reality
(User Rating: 1 )
by eggflipper on
Sunday, 6th March 2011 @ 04:43:39 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| well done. I feel the despair of lonliness. The struggle can be to find a way to look outside oneself to find the truth. look forward to reading more. |
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Re: Stuck inside reality
(User Rating: 1 )
by CherryReadPoet on
Sunday, 6th March 2011 @ 10:32:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I really feel the despair and longing for something more in this... you say this didn't actually happen to you but to someone else? if so, please let them know that I am praying for them... ya im a christian and no matter what you or they believe, i will stay pray for them so if you or anyone is thinking about dark or suicidal things know that someone out there always cares for you :) but really, i liked your poem :) keep it up |
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Re: Stuck inside reality
(User Rating: 1 )
by hacktastic on
Monday, 7th March 2011 @ 01:32:14 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
I like the first four lines
Lock up the door
And throw away the kea (should be key)
Shut me up in side
I don’t want to see
After that, it didn't go anywhere new. Everything was predictable. "I feel sadness & pain, there is no hope," ad nauseam. It started to get good with: I thought a body could not live without
A heart, or without a soul
But then it sunk back down to effortlessness and normalcy. I request a rewrite! Keep the opening. |
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