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Should I Even Try
Contributed by
Datimeisme
on
Tuesday, 25th January 2011 @ 02:08:37 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Theres a girl at my school
in whom I truely like
Even though me feelings are high
in the end shes the only one who can decide
So i ask my self, should i even try?
I cant even look her in the eye
I know I must try, but you see im much to shy
So I ask you.Why should I try?
Copyright ©
Datimeisme
... [
2011-01-25 14:08:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Should I Even Try
(User Rating: 1 )
by Poetic_Ramblings on
Tuesday, 25th January 2011 @ 03:38:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I like this! :)
My only critiques are your use of words 'in' and 'high.'
"In whom I really like" doesn't make sense."
"Me (which should be my) feelings are high" is also a bit awkward, and doesn't make muh sense.
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Re: Should I Even Try
(User Rating: 1 )
by DrcGaimer on
Tuesday, 25th January 2011 @ 08:38:01 PM AEST
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| I like the message, the fear of comforting your desire. My suggestion is proof read your work, spelling and grammar enhances a poem, in my opinion. |
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Re: Should I Even Try
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ambivalence on
Thursday, 27th January 2011 @ 12:58:04 AM AEST
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a Message)
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How cute...You know part of overcoming that shyness is trying, especially when you're afraid. I'd say give it a shot, but just be prepared for the outcome(s). I enjoyed your poem, you have a good style, keep it up.
take care
-K.Z. |
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Re: Should I Even Try
(User Rating: 1 )
by kleetas on
Thursday, 27th January 2011 @ 06:19:00 PM AEST
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| Post what you know, go with the flow - don' t even need to ask why..the words will come and dessert has jus begun so son,"would you like to have some PIE?...Good luck and keep trying! |
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Re: Should I Even Try
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 28th January 2011 @ 02:46:40 AM AEST
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| keep up the good work |
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Re: Should I Even Try
(User Rating: 1 )
by hmong_dude on
Tuesday, 1st February 2011 @ 04:09:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| U will never know if u don't try... Don't let the love of ur life pass u by |
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