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Out of the Darkness...
Contributed by
Butterat_Zool
on
Tuesday, 22nd April 2003 @ 10:35:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
Here I am, world.
I am here.
Alone in my room,
I sit and stare.
I stare at nothing.
I stare at all,
A Brown Recluse
On a big blue ball.
I see my light,
But it's not quite seen,
Covered by many
With a dark phosphene.
I see the world,
But does it see me,
A Green Recluse,
Wild and free?
No, I think
I am not seen,
Oppressed by such
a dark phosphene.
Is the world so bilnd?
Am I so small,
A Red Recluse
On a big blue ball?
I do not like
Not being seen.
I shall remove
This black phosphene!
I'll show the world
I'm big and tall!
I'll make them blind!
I'll show them all!
I'll make them see
What won't be seen.
I WILL remove
This black phosphene!
I have a plan,
A cunning plot,
To rid me of
That big dark spot!
I'll go to them,
And I will sear
All those who put
This black thing here!
I'll laugh at them
And hear them scream
For shattering
My crystal dream!
All I wanted
Was to live,
To be happy
With the world, as is.
But no! That's not
The way things are!
Their souls, I'll raze!
Their skins, I'll char!
The time has come.
Today's the day
I make the demons
Go away!
I start it up,
And all is right,
A-glowing in
The silent night.
Another falls.
Another, and more,
Aligning themselves
At Death's dark door.
Is it through though?
No. I hear
A building crashing
At my rear!
A long board pins
My scorching thigh,
And loudly, I
Begin to cry!
How loud I cry,
It matters not.
I have removed
The hateful dot.
But is it gone?
No. Now it's red,
Just like the fire
'Round my head.
How loud I cry,
It matters not,
For none can hear
Around this dot!
A red-white ray
Of hope appears.
I pray to God.
The siren nears.
But they're too slow
To save us all,
And many leave
This hellish ball.
They are to slow
To save us all,
Even the Black Recluse
On the big black ball.
So once again,
I am oppressed,
Now by the flames
In my ashen breast.
I hear the sirens
Fade away,
And thus, so ends
Another day.
Copyright ©
Butterat_Zool
... [
2003-04-22 22:35:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Out of the Darkness...
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Tuesday, 22nd April 2003 @ 10:55:48 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| wow and wow!! i love this vivid detail and i sure am happy you had a pen within' your reach that day!! i love your poetry and style:) always have:) hugs n' love nessa |
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Re: Out of the Darkness...
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Wednesday, 23rd April 2003 @ 01:15:43 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
great write!!
michelle |
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Re: Out of the Darkness...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kindredblood_dragon on
Wednesday, 23rd April 2003 @ 02:10:21 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Deeply intense and so very vivd, bloody awesome write. |
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Re: Out of the Darkness...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jilli_bean on
Wednesday, 23rd April 2003 @ 08:12:22 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I like your work. I think you have an amazing connection with words. please continue to post work ...i really like your point of view. classic ...but well done |
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Re: Out of the Darkness...
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Thursday, 24th April 2003 @ 01:24:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I found this confusing maybe cuz mymind is in a blur though. I liked this but u repeated yourself to much. What the hell is phosphene? lol. This was good try to shorten your poems though.
Bobotheclown |
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Re: Out of the Darkness...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Friday, 2nd May 2003 @ 07:55:20 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Thanks a lot for you comment... i totally agree with you. I think i could have done a much better job if the plot-building was made more concise and straightforward. Also the idea behind the persona's uprising was that he like goes around this neighborhood and sets fire to all the houses of people he hates, but i totally didn't get that across. I only mentioned fire like once, and i said nect to nothing to suggest a neighborhood as the setting instead of a single house. I posted this poem as i wrote it though in order to keep its purity as a piece (i very rarely change anything after it's finished, in fact, most of my works are first drafts). But i think that the designation as being my first real poem makes it worth something. As for your question, by definition, a phosphene is a little hallucination that looks like colored light. That's the name of the spots you se when you push on your eyelids when your eyes are closed. The when you open your eyes again, the phosphene blocks out or changes the color of whatever you see behind it, so it makes it appear differently than it actually is. Somehow that lead to a fine metaphor for oppression. Just for you though, bobo, the next few poems i post are gonna be very short. I like writing short poems. It makes the words more valuable. Butterat Zool. |
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Re: Out of the Darkness...
(User Rating: 1 )
by chris3btine77 on
Sunday, 25th April 2004 @ 03:24:36 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Excellent write...a little long but, I kept reading |
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