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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	22-November 12:17:20 AEST

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IT HURTS

Contributed by Aworldofemotions on Thursday, 23rd December 2010 @ 09:20:26 PM in AEST
Topic: Grief

The sun is shinning
For no good reason
Her daughter is crying
For a senseless reason
This moron was drinking
During the thankgiving season
What's worst is he was driving
While mother was leaving
Her world ended on that one evening
Lets murder the coward who committed this treason

But lord it hurts its hurts!
And we still go to church
She's gone she lost
And boy it hurts
No alcohol alive can quench this thirst
No feeling alive can be this worst
I scream bloody murder it hurts it hurts

Copyright © Aworldofemotions ... [ 2010-12-23 21:20:26]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: IT HURTS (User Rating: 1 )
by iodinelove on Friday, 24th December 2010 @ 02:19:39 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

a suggestion: never force a rhyme. we all do it, mind, but try to recognize when you are doing it. You want the poem to be as natural as possible, if that means departing from the style your using than so be it. A poem loses so much emotion when the reader see the words as contrived. Given the appropriate choices one can make anything, no matter how false, true.

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