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What make the pieces of me?
Contributed by
Stephanay
on
Sunday, 12th December 2010 @ 01:28:45 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
What make up the pieces of me?
It's mainly just negativity.
I've began to feel numb instead of sad.
Why do the same people hurt me so bad?
Can u Think of somethn positive ab me to name?
((Probabley not)) everyone answers the same..
Nothing is right not one thing at all.
Got nowhere 2 run & 1 person to call..
I just want to go and leave all this behind.
But the harder I try the tougher the climb.
It's just hard to explain the way I think about stuff.
It should get easier since it's only been tough.
It doesn't seem to bother me so I keep ***** inside..
But when I'm alone I just see that I lied.
I wish stuff would go exactly as planned.
So all these hard feeling will finally be CANNED!
Copyright ©
Stephanay
... [
2010-12-12 01:28:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: What make the pieces of me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Voyager on
Sunday, 12th December 2010 @ 02:59:47 AM AEST
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| I can feel ur emotion in this. The rhyme structure is good as well... |
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Re: What make the pieces of me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by xHeathenx on
Sunday, 12th December 2010 @ 03:19:11 AM AEST
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| I like the rhyme structure as well, but placing numbers instead of the actual words seems unnecessarily lazy to me. No offense. |
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Re: What make the pieces of me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Anbarean on
Sunday, 12th December 2010 @ 04:40:59 PM AEST
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Stephanay, I like the way you write and beautifully you rhymed.
Very well done.
Takecare
Anbarean |
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Re: What make the pieces of me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by JohnnyFallen on
Sunday, 12th December 2010 @ 06:55:40 PM AEST
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| With a person like me reading this, I can see how you feel. I only have one positive thing most would say about me. Other than that, I do take time to see how I feel. I usually write about it. Take care of yourself. |
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Re: What make the pieces of me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by hacktastic on
Monday, 13th December 2010 @ 01:13:27 AM AEST
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You did a good job with this. I really get a feeling of what you are going through. The pain, disappointment, anger - sounds tough!
You should check out 'Invictus' by William Ernest Henley. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invictus#Text
That said, I feel the structure is distracting: sad, bad, name, same - I have an idea what's coming before I make it to the next line. There are many ways to frame your thoughts and feelings, and maybe you will see a few here that will inspire you http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poetry#Forms
It will make your passionate, emotive writing even stronger. |
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