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The Girl In The Mirror
Contributed by
fern
on
Saturday, 4th December 2010 @ 10:07:56 AM in AEST
Topic:
StoryPoetry
|
Pathetic, but true, from beginning to end
is this story I now will relate.
Reporters would love it-the headlines might read:
"THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR...AND FATE."
The story begins on a soft summer evening-
the moon was the "Queen Of The Sky-"
exploring the stars...subduing the dreamers
who dream at the blink of an eye.
So the girl in the mirror adjusted her hair-
then tried to adjust her emotions.
The girl in the mirror expected a guest-
but was given to "fanciful notions."
So he came to her door-
he was carrying flowers-
carnations, she placed in a vase,
(but flowers and love songs are only for dreamers
and schemers of devious ways).
She embraced him and thanked him
for bringing her flowers-a curious look in her eye,
as she went to the window and longingly gazed
at the night and the "Queen Of The Sky."
Then the music box started a rinky-tink medley
composed of melodic distortions.
BRAIN-PIERCING ECHOES!
EXPLODING CRESCENDOS
THAT SWELLED TO COLOSSAL PROPORTIONS!
The girl started dancing-the music box
SCREAMING...
provoking the "Queen Of The Sky-"
who up until then was caressing the dreamers
who dream at the blink of an eye.
The music box stopped.
The room became dark.
She pointed the gun to her head-
for the man and the flowers had faded away-
and the girl in the mirror...lay dead.
Copyright ©
fern
... [
2010-12-04 10:07:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Girl In The Mirror
(User Rating: 1 )
by Waynster on
Saturday, 4th December 2010 @ 04:54:43 PM AEST
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Hello,
I really like how your poem started out, but honestly think the ending could have been better. I say that because if you have the talent to write something so nice and express yourself in such a way, than i believe you can finish your poem as well as you started it. Please don't be offended. |
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Re: The Girl In The Mirror
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 4th December 2010 @ 07:20:27 PM AEST
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Awesome writing.
It speaks loud and clear.
Blessings,
emy |
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Re: The Girl In The Mirror
(User Rating: 1 )
by Darbi on
Monday, 10th January 2011 @ 08:00:20 PM AEST
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| I loved the ending. It sounds horrible i know, but we all fall for tragic endings...we just hate to admit it. Strangly it reminds me of someone I know... |
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Re: The Girl In The Mirror
(User Rating: 1 )
by deusdeira on
Sunday, 20th February 2011 @ 01:59:24 AM AEST
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I really enjoyed this poem. If I read it correctly, it was about a lack of belief in love. Love is a dream that many have, but many have high expectations. Love is not a fairy tale, but a reality, and I think this fictitious girl had some bad experiences, and thus no longer believes in love.
It is a very good story, and also tragic, since she kills herself because her fantasy is shattered.
You did an excellent job on this one. Very real, and very expressive. |
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Re: The Girl In The Mirror
(User Rating: 1 )
by whitt on
Sunday, 20th March 2011 @ 01:38:36 PM AEST
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the whole poem in general shows pure talent. the ending might be sad but it ends the poem well i think..keep more awesome poems coming i love reading them :)
-Whittley |
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